I’m literally at my wits end with my partner he has pushed me to the brink and I’ve had enough I just cannot do this anymore. I’m at the stage now where some days I wish I wouldn’t wake up because I hate having to deal with him on a daily basis. I'm tired.
I met him many years ago after a very physically abusive relationship with my ex-partner. He was charming, friendly and made me feel like I could be happy again. How wrong was I?
There were red flags from the beginning but I am sad to say I was very naïve. He used to ogle other girls when we were out together and say things like “That’s how a woman should look” if he saw an attractive girl. He would also say “Why don’t you dress like that?” If he saw a girl dressed particularly glamorous.
I’ve never been one to dress up. I dress for comfort in all honesty, I make an effort with my hair and do my makeup but I’ve never been a glamourpuss but looking to please him I started to dress more sexy. Whilst I wasn’t comfortable he seemed to like it so I kept it up for a while to please him.
He encouraged me to always wear make-up because he said I was “a mess” without it. Which again I stupidly did.
He lived a good bit away from me when we met (but not so far away that he couldn’t come and pick me up) so every weekend (like a faithful dog) I would go to stay the weekend with him laden with bags and such whilst he sat at home even though he had a car.
This continued for a good few years I didn’t really have issue with it at the time but looking back it was very selfish. My family always asked to meet him but he always had an excuse ready.
Two years into our ‘relationship’ the unthinkable happened and my dear mother passed away. I asked him to be at the funeral to support me (which I didn’t think was an unreasonable request given we’d been seeing each other). He refused and proclaimed it would be ‘weird’, from then on my family and friends absolutely loathed him for leaving me to cry over my mother’s grave alone.
I was absolutely devastated and called it off after this. I just couldn’t believe how heartless he had been and to me it said a lot about his character. I spent the next few months dealing with a very new and confusing life without my mum. We still messaged and he would give it “I miss you” and “I can’t believe you’ve gave up on this good thing we had”.
Naively I got back with him. Everything was going okay but I wasn’t getting on with my dad (who essentially became an abusive alcoholic when mum died) so I moved in with this guy. BIG mistake.
He was messy, lazy and just downright disrespectful. He didn't like how I cleaned the house, hated how long it took me to get to and from work (my journey times changed due to the relocation) and the only thing he done was cook because he thought “I was too stupid to do it properly”
I regretted moving house but persevered as I thought maybe things would change. They didn’t. My dad and I had been getting on well and
I was toying with the idea of returning home but sadly he passed away before I got the chance. Another devastating blow. Again I asked him to come to the funeral, I thought he would come but again refused giving another lame excuse.
My family and friends were just going mad at this point they couldn’t believe he had done this again. They thought he’d use the chance to redeem himself seeing as we were living together as a couple essentially but he didn’t.
I had the opportunity to move back to my family home when dad died which I took. When I told him I was leaving he was absolutely furious. Punching down on the bed, screaming and shouting. I was quite shocked but told him I wasn’t enjoying the current arrangement and he would have to accept it.
Over those weeks I slowly started moving back home. I started decorating the home to my taste and I was feeling positive, even though my heart was aching with grief. It had gave me a purpose and I felt that it was a move in the right direction.
However, predictably, he managed to make me feel guilty about this and asked if he could move in “until he found a suitable place of his own”. I stupidly agreed and he’s been here ever since and to say it has been hell is an understatement.
He hates the area because it’s mainly a council housing area. He has these really weird delusions of grandeur, thinks he is better than everyone else and deserves the best of everything. I’ve told him on many occasion you can’t expect to have everything fall on your lap sometimes you need to work hard for it.
He’s resentful of anyone who has anything he craves in life be it money, a car, a beautiful home. He just does not like seeing anyone get on which I find really quite a horrible trait to possess.
He has a very fractured relationship with his dad because, quite frankly, he treats his mum very much the same as he treats me. I said “well the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and he spat in my face.
We are no longer intimate as he told me he doesn’t fancy me anymore and quite frankly the feeling is mutual I do not want to have sex with someone I resent so much. He’s also been messaging a girl, when I pulled him up about it he went mad and said “she makes me feel good so I’ll continue to do it and that’s the end of it”
Reading all this back I’m in tears because I feel so ashamed and pathetic. I cannot believe I’ve allowed a man to make me feel like this again. I’ve become this small, accepting, weak mouse. He has ground me down.
I know I’m not perfect. I can go from being very deep to exploding when I keep things in too long. I’m very self-conscious I have never felt pretty even though I have never struggled for male attention in the past. I also have very bad anxiety and depression due to how things have been the past few years. I can be hard work and I know it takes two he’s not the only one to blame, I haven’t been a beacon of light either.
As a person I’ve changed so much over the past while. I think it’s a mixture of the trauma of my parents dying and just being so utterly bored and tired with dealing with this crap.
I’ve now come to the end of the road with all this madness. I need to do what is good for me. I know I will struggle financially and it may be tough but I’d rather do that than continue to feel this unhappy.
The main issue now is getting him to leave. I’ve asked numerous times and he always says “I’m looking for flats but it’s so expensive”. I do feel guilty that he’s struggling with this but at the end of the day I'm not his keeper.
It's not like he's skint he just doesn't want to have to deal with the change, it'll be hard but he'll have to except it. He says he wants to be friends when he does move out but I don't even want that, I don't like him it's that simple.
I’m so sorry for the lengthy and muddled post I’ve been sobbing whilst writing this. Any thoughts or sharing of similar experiences and how
you dealt with them would be very welcome.
Thanks for reading this.