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Original poster

30 and want more kids but feel like I'll never meet the right guy...

6 replies

OttilieStonelady · 13/10/2021 10:10

I'll start by saying I already have one child. He's still a toddler. He's amazing and if I only ever have one then so be it! However, on that note, I would love for him to have siblings. I'm one of 5, and whilst I don't want 5 children, I'd love one more. I've been single for close to three years. Haven't dated seriously but have been on a few casual dates. Before I had my son I had a cracking body, and tonnes of confidence. I'm now diving in to dating again and am not feeling confident I'll actually meet anyone. Whilst I'm confident in my body, I'm fairly sure I've become much less attractive as my belly is saggy, my boobs are the same, and I've aged a tonne. Just feel slightly undesirable and that time is going to whizz by and I'll miss my chance. Is there hope for me yet?

OP posts:
tickertock · 13/10/2021 10:29

I'm 10 years older and have three children, I've found it surprisingly easy to get dates, no one has been negative about my appearance, quite the opposite which was nice to get the ego boost. So please don't worry about your less than perfect body, it won't matter.

I have to say though finding the right man who wants a family will not be easy for most, unless you're one of the lucky few who find someone straight away.
Vast majority will have to weed out losers and users first and it requires a lot of patience and none of it will be because of your looks it's just because finding someone compatible for long term takes time.

Original poster
OttilieStonelady · 13/10/2021 10:31

@tickertock

I'm 10 years older and have three children, I've found it surprisingly easy to get dates, no one has been negative about my appearance, quite the opposite which was nice to get the ego boost. So please don't worry about your less than perfect body, it won't matter.

I have to say though finding the right man who wants a family will not be easy for most, unless you're one of the lucky few who find someone straight away.
Vast majority will have to weed out losers and users first and it requires a lot of patience and none of it will be because of your looks it's just because finding someone compatible for long term takes time.

That's good to hear! And yes this is why I stopped dating. So many first dates with people who seem normal then bam, weirdo territory!
OP posts:
anthurium · 13/10/2021 11:31

Maybe you've already considered this so apologies, what about a sperm donor?

I am currently 31 weeks pregnant (via IVF and a sperm donor) as time was running out (aged 39) and wasn't willing to settle. there is no guarantee that whichever treatment you'd go for would be successful, but it is easier as it is your decision alone.

When I was single, childless, and solvent I still wasn't meeting vast amounts of men that I fancied and who wanted the same things as me at the same time (which was a family). I did meet someone who I had a 'situanship' with for 2 years but it ended ultimately as we were at different stages of life.

Original poster
OttilieStonelady · 13/10/2021 13:16

@anthurium

Maybe you've already considered this so apologies, what about a sperm donor?

I am currently 31 weeks pregnant (via IVF and a sperm donor) as time was running out (aged 39) and wasn't willing to settle. there is no guarantee that whichever treatment you'd go for would be successful, but it is easier as it is your decision alone.

When I was single, childless, and solvent I still wasn't meeting vast amounts of men that I fancied and who wanted the same things as me at the same time (which was a family). I did meet someone who I had a 'situanship' with for 2 years but it ended ultimately as we were at different stages of life.

I thought about this but my friend was conceived this way and it's affected her negatively. I am in no way saying this will happen to you and there were lots of other factors involved, however it's not something I think I'd consider for myself.
OP posts:
anthurium · 13/10/2021 13:39

Thanks for your reply. Of course, these things are very individual.
Out of curiosity, why was you friend affected negatively? Was the donor used anonymous (no info available from the clinic assuming a clinic was used rather a than a private donation)? Or, was the sperm donor's identity open meaning identifiable info is released to the child upon turning 18?

Original poster
OttilieStonelady · 13/10/2021 13:52

@anthurium

Thanks for your reply. Of course, these things are very individual. Out of curiosity, why was you friend affected negatively? Was the donor used anonymous (no info available from the clinic assuming a clinic was used rather a than a private donation)? Or, was the sperm donor's identity open meaning identifiable info is released to the child upon turning 18?
It was anonymous, but she also had an abusive mother so felt like she had been abandoned and was deeply troubled that a man could donate sperm to someone with an abusive past and she couldn't reach out to him for help. Hence why I said it likely wouldn't be anything like your situation! I'm sure you're going to be a lovely mum ☺️
OP posts:
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