Am I overthinking here?!

[FloEve48]

So couple of years ago I had a fling with a director at work, turns out he was arsehole and bit of a player, I ended up getting hurt. He moved on to my colleague who says nothing ever happened…
Anyway now seems every one has moved on although bit awkward at times but seem to be able to just get on with work. However something I think abit weird has recently happened and I just wanted to see what other people thought about it… so there a some external awards taking place, night out, away and the said director has chosen both me and the colleague to attend, amongst others but we are only the young (early 30s) going… trying not to think too much of it but all seems abit weird. I mean there has been one night out since the falling out and he wasn’t there but me and colleague we ok and have moved on. Previous nights out ended up arguing and all kicking off! I don’t know why he would invite us both? Is it just that he thinks we all moved on now? Or is he playing games again??

How do you get chosen to attend the awards, is there a lot of staff to choose from, is it all down to him?
Sounds like he would be insane to invite you both if he has an ulterior motive!

I wouldn't put myself in that position and respectfully decline the invite saying something has come up!

Yeah so there is over 150 staff and he has selected who he wants to invite. It’s just abit weird to me, why pick us two when there are so many others

Don't take this the wrong way, but is he hoping to get you both drunk and make a 3 way rendezvous happen?? He sounds like a sleaze.

Sounds like he's hoping you'll either argue over him, or treat him to a duet!

Well, he clearly liked you both and for him, at least, the fling is ancient history. And he thinks you have moved on too. As you say you all manage to work together Ok.
Plus be probably just wants to have a fun night with two young women.
OP - you say it was a fling, and a few years ago. Yet you do seem to still be unsettled about it all. You going into this deep analysis of his intentions clearly indicates you aren’t completely over it all.
Are you sure you want to continue working there? And if so - can you do something to put this all in the past where it belongs?

Work flings are rarely a good idea. Work flings with older superiors is doubly so.

My first thought was trying to get you both in bed tbh 🤮

He's chosen only you 2 from 150 people. Unless you've both been involved more than anyone else in what has won the award it is weird. Particularly if you're not equally senior people or he thinks you can network better than he can.

Are you the only young, single girls in the company? It sounds like he just wants to get drunk and have 2 women lavish attention on him. Watch your drinks very carefully. Or come down with an illness/Covid and don't go. I wouldn't, unless there's legitimately a business reason to be gained from it. Alcohol, ex flings and new flings should not be mixing in a non work environment with no one else around, too dangerous.

What a power player, flings with more junior staff members. And bountifully inviting just the two to an event. I don’t like the sound of this at all.

Ego? Sleazy older guy who wants the naive little underlings he seduced flanking him & basking in his reflected glory (in his eyes) when he’s at some tedious work awards because he likes to be adored? Bleurgh.

It involves an overnight hotel stay? Yeah he's hoping for a threesome.

OK maybe slightly more innocent - he obviously finds both of you attractive and likes the idea of "showing off" to others in his industry by surrounding himself with young attractive women.

Actually tbh I'd prefer the former scenario. The latter would mean he thinks you're decorations 🤮

FloEve, he likely has an agenda, so I wouldn’t attend. He is very manipulative.

Perhaps you feel apprehensive because your fling with him was directly related to your abusive marriage. You felt ground down and he was very attentive…until he wasn’t. You’ve acknowledged that you shouldn’t have made the choice to cheat, and that the fling diminished you even further.

You’ve written quite a few threads about your cruel, controlling Husband, the last one in May. He also shouts and snaps at your two daughters, and especially targets DD1, age 6, by calling her stupid. Your home life sounds horrific for all of you.

I would advise you to make an exit strategy for both your marriage (if you haven’t already) and your job. You and your girls deserve a peaceful, emotionally safe home, and you need a different work environment, well away from this office predator who is up to his old tricks.

You’re going as arm candy to make him look hot?

Threesome I reckon, if he thinks he's going to get really lucky, and if not, well there's a chance other people might think it happened, so it's a win/win for him.

Nah, I would decline.
Just say you are not interested. Don't make an excuse.
Selecting you two sounds dodgy and whatever his (ulterior) motive, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
The only way the invitation would be justified or logical is if you played a significant part in earning an award nomination for your company.

He has an agenda, and if you have any sense at all, you will not be going to this event.

@FloEve48

Your gut is telling you this is a bad idea, so listen to your gut !

It doesn't matter what his 'agenda' is for inviting you both, it only matters that you know something feels 'off' with the whole idea !

Don't go. You can either tell him now that you won't be able to manage, or you can just pull a 'sickie' the day before and say you're too ill to go, whatever you feel more comfortable with.

Previous nights out ended up arguing and all kicking off! I don’t know why he would invite us both?

Who ended up arguing? I think for this reason I wouldn't go, especially if alcohol involved.