Hey fellow humans,
My AIBU is , is this too much for a human to deal with? But more how to make it feel less so.
Having had my own personal pity party the last week or so, I need to sort life out once and for all (as much as I can). So this is me asking for input on things I might have not thought of to get support from what feels like an unbreakable mountain. This may come off as unemotional but brain has rocked over from said pity party to get shit done so I can deal with emotions in my own time). That said. If you could drop a note saying this is A LOT. It will make me cry and that will be a good thing.
So immediate problems:
My Grandma died last Tuesday. To this date I’ve dealt with immediates. Wasn’t there for her passing but shortly after. After a few hours of clinging let the undertakers come. Took her notebook (with all instructions) and key paperwork and an electric blanket. Back on Friday to supply clothes for people to visit her in chapel of rest along with the items she wants to be laid to rest with. Phoned her entire phone book on Friday after a family member was distraught and couldn’t get in touch (I’d phoned who I knew would need to know straight away but missed her). Made a list of all those who want to know the date. Date is probably Nov 3rd. Once confirmed tomorrow I will gradually ring / text everyone to let them know. Need to have a meeting with church, order flowers, put a notice in the paper, get order of service made up and printed, arrange an after get together, possibly caterer.
3 kids.
Eldest, severe mental health problems. Inpatient a few times in recent years. Still passed college last year. Bad start to college this year, many reported illnesses. Likely EUPD. Today, college want her to withdraw and try again next year. I support this. Spending more time at BFs due to positive Covid case in house (see below) plus not wanting to be in her room where that was the place of multiple suicide attempts when just having “failed” college and Gran Gran passing. CAMHS next to useless as DD won’t engage. Recent med review all ok. Asked her to come here for a couple of hours each day to make phone calls on next steps. Has a (very new) personal advisor due to being technically a care leaver. Big implications on how much I can support her money wise.
Steps needed: update CAMHS. Have asked college next steps, take advice. Contact personal advisor. If no joy contact princes trust / connextions (sp). CAB for benefits advice?
Middle DD. Positive LFT last Sun, positive LFT Tuesday. Currently isolating. Done little school work with everything. School aware. Can I forgive myself? Wants to go back to school ASAP.
Youngest DD. Off school awaiting PCR. Negative LFT. Online learning due to spike in cases at school (please God not let it be middle DD that did it). School will be best ASAP.
My work, brilliant. They know my journey. Last Tuesday explained, “take as long as you need”. Agreed till end of week. Spoke to HR director Monday agreed another week paid then look at GP sign off / annual leave as needed. Director (!!) said I’m a key member of staff, they will do whatever is needed, and they have helped many others and I’d be surprised what they’ve done for people. To have no guilt about work. (We will see).
Current support asked for: called Samaritans Sunday. Useful but I’ve vented all that now. Don’t want to go through it all again. EAP Monday. Felt their counselling wouldn’t be helpful (more goal oriented) but to contact cruse. Got brief legal advice for probate. Emailed previous CBT counsellor (had been arranged through CBT). Cheeky. But have an appt Thursday. Going to call doctors tomorrow. Online chat with cruise today. Useful. Will use it as needed.
Oh and mum died 2 years ago so still have that estate to sort. Recently instructed Farewill to help (as grandma was executor but couldn’t do it) and they have been very helpful. So two estates but can’t sort grandmas till I register the death on the 18/10.
Funeral 3/11.
Disclaimer: I'm not suicidal. My dad killed himself when I was 2 and can't do that to my kids. Means I'm in limbo land HATING life, but need to fix it.