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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is anyone else avoiding sex?

20 replies

TabithaTwitchett · 09/12/2007 00:32

I have been for the past few months. I still fancy dp, but Brad Pitt could chat me up and I wouldn't be interested. Are there any other sex avoiding people out there?!

OP posts:

Twinklemegan · 09/12/2007 00:33

Ahem, me. Still scared 16 months after giving birth.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 09/12/2007 00:36

not at the mo but have had phases that i just didnt want to and didnt know why sort of subconciously making up any excuse/reason why?you ok

Original poster

TabithaTwitchett · 09/12/2007 00:52

I'm sorry Twinkle - what is the problem?

For me, we had sex 2 weeks after my cs at my initiation and now and again after that. I just feel completely non-sexual and am using my period as the excuse of the moment. DP mentioned on Friday that he feels like a monk

OP posts:

Twinklemegan · 09/12/2007 00:55

I don't really want to go into it again actually - I'm not sure why I posted what I did. Thanks for asking though. It's just everything - being scared of getting pg (which is ironic since it took 4 years last time), not remembering what it was like before tryig to get pg, conscious of episiotomy scar, just not feeling attractive, etc. etc. Ask anyone, I'm a headcase when it comes to this particular issue.

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 09/12/2007 00:58

you're not alone.

It's been that way for me for, ahem, several years. Before the dcs were born I used to make more of an effort though, iyswim....

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 09/12/2007 00:58

Like you TM I find I don't even really fancy people anymore.

Original poster

TabithaTwitchett · 09/12/2007 00:59

I'm sorry to probe, I should have checked first. I am getting married next week so am probably having last minute wobbles!

OP posts:

Twinklemegan · 09/12/2007 01:00

That's fine TT. Good luck with your wedding - I'm sure you'll be fine. It sounds like you're definitely not alone anyhow.

Original poster

TabithaTwitchett · 09/12/2007 01:00

Domestic - what is the matter with us?!

OP posts:

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 09/12/2007 01:04

I just don't know! But I do think it's a lot more common than people make out.

My best friend says she fancies it about every 6 months.

I find it really hard to do that thing where you 'get yourself in the mood'. I really love dh but don't fancy him- but then I don't fancy anyone really, so the problem has to be me. He is being very good about it actually.

Original poster

TabithaTwitchett · 09/12/2007 01:08

I said on another thread that dp has said he feels like a monk! We are getting married next week and I don't want to spend my life making excuses or pretending all is well. I'm glad at least one other person has this issue!

OP posts:

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 09/12/2007 01:10

presume you already have dcs. I was slightly friskier before I had mine, but then I remember not really wanting sex on my honeymoon...ahhh young love eh

Original poster

TabithaTwitchett · 09/12/2007 01:17

I have one dd and she was elcs so can't complain about injuries apart from my scar. I used to like sex but dp is quite conservative so I have lost interest a bit!

OP posts:

LuckyStarOfBethSalem · 09/12/2007 01:17

I'm now 36 weeks preg and DP hasn't had any since I got preg. It's partly down to comfort and also fear I think (that somethign will happen to baby)

mimimilk · 09/12/2007 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

needmorecoffee · 09/12/2007 10:07

you're not alone twinklemegan. been 3 and a half years now, since dd was born. Its partly tiredness, stress, depression and the fear that it will hurt.
I'd rather have a cup of tea.

whoopwhoopdingding · 09/12/2007 11:49

Has anyone got over this problem? All these posts are really striking home with me - mimimilk I really relate to what you are saying. For me it's like there's two issues going on. Fristly I am just not interested, rarely feel sexual at all. But I'm fed up with saying to DP that we need to spend quality time together to get the spark back but DP makes no effort outside of the bedroom to connect with me on this.

I'm so worried, I have dreams about being swept off my feet and the buzz of feeling in love with someone new and it's making feel really guilty. I've never been unfaithful and I don't think I ever would be but I'm really worried that at some point I'm bound to cross paths with someone who will ignite me the way that I need and that makes me feel really . I guess it's the 7 year itch. Sorry to ramble -but any suggestions out there? I feel for all who feels this way (hugs)

DoubleBluff · 09/12/2007 11:53

I know what you mean, i remember having mad crushes on random men. Now I don't seem to find anyone attractive.
I would love to have that rush of excitement agian when you can't wait to see someone cos you fancy them so much.
Maybe it's my age!

Emprexia · 09/12/2007 23:08

im not exactly rareing to go, lol.

I think mines down to my contraceptive though, i noticed when i came off it to change brand that i turned into a flaming nymphomaniac.. DH thought it was his birthday and christmas all rolled into one.

now i'm back on BC and there are tumbleweeds blowing again....

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 10/12/2007 18:12

you are striking some chords with me mimimilk and whoopwhoop. Hmmm.

I like to think I am happy with dh (which in many ways I am) but it's just that I don't want sex. But he is quite a conservative 'safe' person generally and also not a great person for discussions of finer feelings (but what man is eh)

I think some of my loss of sex drive comes from this very big disappointment at what has happened to my life/marriage. The kids have enriched my life so much but in a real 'old lady' kind of way- delaying gratification, yours for theirs, giving up things, pondering the meaning of life etc etc. I don't get excited anymore(apart from the prospect of time alone to read, which makes me drool!)

hmmm- thanks ladies, you have given me food for thought...

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