I’ve met a really good man! Being in a relationship after an abusive one can it really be a good thing?

[Alwayswanting1]

I never ever ever thought I’d be in a relationship again ever ever every. Only I find myself in one and it’s changing my life.

Healing from abuse whilst in a relationship I thought would not work but I’m really growing. I think I’ve found a really good man.

Wow a thread about a really good man, they do exist.

I knew my now-DP at work. I was in a horrendous relationship, I couldn't see a way out. As a friend, he truly helped support me to leave, just gave me the confidence. He also supported me with the months of stalking, harassment, threats, police, court cases. We only became a couple after this was all over. We get married soon, have been together for over five years now.

I think you should always be wary as you have been vulnerable, as I was, but my DP was just wonderful and the opposite of what I had lived with for years before.

All you have to do is basic boundaries. It's DEAD simple: If he makes you feel good, you stay. If he makes you feel bad, you tell him what he did that made you feel bad. It doesn't matter why you feel bad or whether it makes sense. If he doesn't stop, or make a compromise that satisfies you both, you pull away from him.

That's it. No more abuse for you, ever. You are safe.

Enjoy your lovely new relationship

I told him early on that he needs to say more nice things to me every now and again and not just think them as I’m the kind of person that needs to hear it especially after all the terrible things I’ve been told in the past. He took it on board and has been great and I know he is being sincere when he sneaks in a little comment now and again.

I’ve told him that at times I don’t understand things fully and that my brain gets overwhelmed at times. I’ve pushed him at times and he has been understanding. It’s becoming less and less as I know he won’t just leave me once he sees the not so good parts of me. He doesn’t take it personally and understands why I’m like it.

I’ve told him when I push and want to be alone I really don’t want to be. He was actually at the beginning leaving me alone which made it worse. I’ve told him what I need when in this and he now knows to cuddle me and now I don’t seek solitude because hugs and his face make me feel better. Such and odd feeling when you’ve always hid when sad or stressed or whatever.

It sounds like you feel the need to explain your basic self a lot, which isn't necessary or healthy.

But that's no reflection on the relationship, and if you're happy, you're happy. That's all that matters.

I just thought it was necessary as we were getting wires crossed a bit and he didn’t understand where I was coming from. I said I wanted to be on my own, so he left me on my own but really I just wanted him and a cuddle. He said he was inexperienced really and wasn’t sure what to do so I’ve let him know. He has been really great since, made us both happier as I can be a bit complicated, well not complicated just not had the greatest experience really.

I’ve been very open and he makes me feel less of an alien.