Page 2 | Could someone please explain why cheating exh is pissed off that I'm in a relationship?

surethings · 2021-10-12T11:48:06+00:00

This makes no sense to me. He cheated on me, left us and the fall out two years later remains massive on the kids. He's still with ow. She refuses to meet kids. I'm gloriously happy with new man of a year. My kids have met him Casually. They all get on great. eldest daughter is still angry and bitter with her dad. She is 17. She gets on famously with new man. Please explain this to me. It Makes no sense at all.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 12/10/2021 13:52

i.e. you has other plans.

godmum56 · 12/10/2021 13:52

@TeapotCollection

Because he’s a complete twat would be my guess 😁

nailed it

Ruralbliss · 12/10/2021 13:54

There's no trying to fathom out unfathomable weirdos has been my main learning point from my own divorce from my kids' dad who sounds like yours in many ways

How they can sleep with themselves not seeing their kids and going off with an OW is beyond me

But yes wrath induced by very little as far as I can see meaning they are unhinged and what they do or how they behave is of zero interest to me unless it impacts the kids.

Good for you having a fun new relationship in your life.

Let the dodgy XH stew in his own juices I say.

They typically have zero emotional intelligence about what tossers they are. They are never the villain of their story.
The narrative they convince themselves is that we were and are awful.
Infuriating but also hilarious.

'Diddums' is my favourite phrase to issue internally when I hear my XH delicate ego has been yet again bruised.

girlmom21 · 12/10/2021 13:55

@surethings

He has told his family that he is unhappy and when I suggested a change over of Our children at a specific place and explained that my fella Would be there he said .......' I'm not ready to meet him yet' .....

Hahaha unlucky for him!

ravenmum · 12/10/2021 13:55

You are not conforming to his narrative. In his narrative, you made him leave because you are a frigid woman. He left you behind, alone in your sad little frigid world. Not enjoying sex with some other guy and showing the world that actually you aren't frigid at all, you just didn't fancy him, and he might have won you back round if he'd been a nicer person.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/10/2021 14:31

@ravenmum

You are not conforming to his narrative. In his narrative, you made him leave because you are a frigid woman. He left you behind, alone in your sad little frigid world. Not enjoying sex with some other guy and showing the world that actually you aren't frigid at all, you just didn't fancy him, and he might have won you back round if he'd been a nicer person.

All of this.

And it's GLORIOUS

Triffid1 · 12/10/2021 14:38

@ravenmum

You are not conforming to his narrative. In his narrative, you made him leave because you are a frigid woman. He left you behind, alone in your sad little frigid world. Not enjoying sex with some other guy and showing the world that actually you aren't frigid at all, you just didn't fancy him, and he might have won you back round if he'd been a nicer person.

Yes, this. Clearly he didn't leave because he didn't want you but because he was too lazy to do any of the work that was needed to keep you. And now he's pissed because he convinced himself it was all your fault and that no man would ever put up with you but clearly he's wrong.

I also wouldn't necessarily believe the OW doesn't want to meet the DC. He's probably too lazy to put the effort in and/or is telling her complete rubbish and doesn't want her to see what a shit dad he is.

Your new man can be wherever you want him to be, whenever you want him to be there. I'd be purposefully ensuring he's in the car at handover personally.

butterflyze · 12/10/2021 14:46

My guess is that he is beginning to realise that the grass on the other side of the fence isn't as green as he thought it was.

Buggritbuggrit · 12/10/2021 15:01

Would you say that you are over your ex? I only ask because the tone of your comments is still very much that of a wronged wife who really wants to talk about how awful her cheating/toxic scumbag partner is and have people agree with her.

You don’t seem to have moved past it at all and this doesn’t come across as you genuinely wondering why he’s arsey about you being with someone new (it’s pretty obvious and it seems unlikely you’d need us to figure it out). It comes across as you wanting us to slate your ex and commend you on your triumph over a twat.

This is all perfectly fine, and I applaud you for turning the tables on what sounds like a horrible man. However, just flagging the above as I think some honest self-examination regarding your feelings around this might be helpful. Remember, the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. If you can manage not to care what you’re ex thinks one way or another, that’s REALLY winning.

ravenmum · 12/10/2021 15:09

After just two years, what he did will still be pretty painful, even if OP is ready to have some fun with another guy. Two years is not a long time in this context.

Onlyfoolsandhorseswork · 12/10/2021 15:14

My ex walked out on us 22 years ago
Paid nothing and didn't want to know the kids (he did take me to court but only so it hurt me,and it was 'free' as he got legal aid)
He went apeshit when he found out I was seeing another man (away from the kids)
Didn't I know I was meant to shrivel up and save myself for him?
Hang around just in case he wanted me back?
We got on with things and the kids grew up-zero contact with any of us
I was in a pub one night and met a nice enough fella and we started seeing each other
Unfortunately it turned out to be exs uncle (close-ish in age)
He went mental and tried to give us the choice of 'break up or I'll cause trouble for you'
We ignored him but things did come to a natural end anyway-he gloated he'd 'won'
Turns out,ex had been keeping a close eye on me over the years as I was his ex and that means I'm still his possession who isn't allowed a life of my own
Sad little twat-we'll gloss over the fact that he got two 14 year olds pregnant in that time,had at least 8 other women in that time (fuck knows how) and did 7 years in prison-i wasn't allowed to date nor have any form of life after him-honest to God,I was only 'allowed to sit at home,night after night pining over him
It's all about control with them-its never them-any wrong doing is glossed over and pushed onto you
I ended up moving away and he's red with rage that I didn't ok it with him first
22 years later and he just can't let go-ive been very happy with my partner for the last 6 years and he still thinks I want him back

Original poster

surethings · 12/10/2021 16:05

I will possibly
Always have low level anger towards him
For fucking upy
Children's mental health, rejecting them and destroying their innocence .
As far as I am
Concerned , him
Leaving has done ME. A huge favour but yes he has left an absolute shit storm and picks
Up none of the pieces . It has been the hardest two years of my
Life . He swanned off without a care in the world . As described recently my someone close to me.... a monumental fail of a father.

OP posts:

crosshatching · 12/10/2021 16:08

I don't know if you meant to do that formatting in your last post but it scans like a good poem, especially that last line!
All power to you, go on and be happy.

saltontoast · 12/10/2021 16:13

@Onlyfoolsandhorseswork woah!!

AlbertBridge · 12/10/2021 16:16

You sound more hung up on him than vice versa, tbf. Time to let it all go - the anger and the hurt.

SleepingBunnies21 · 12/10/2021 16:23

Somr of them.also.go apeshit when (in their mind) the child maintenance they have to pay is now being used towards the sheltering, heating, feeding, entertainment etc of another man.

And yes he's probably jealous about you being better off, and yes re. decent relationships with kids.

Sausagedogsarethebest · 12/10/2021 16:40

He's jealous. What was probably fun and exciting for him initially (his OW) is probably not now so. He's seeing her true colours now and the excitement of the affair is replaced by domestic drudgery. On the flip side he's seeing (or hearing) that you are very happy, the kids have a great relationship with you, you are better off financially. You will probably have a glow about you and he doesn't like that another man is behind this.

Tough titties to him. His choice to be a crap husband and to cheat, so he has to reap the consequences of his behaviour.

MissMarianHalcombe · 12/10/2021 17:34

This happened to me too. Many years ago now. My ExH had numerous affairs & eventually left for OW who “understood” him. It was such a relief when he’d gone so went out had fun. Was overwhelmed with how I didn’t feel terrible/sad/upset & actually was enjoying my life for first time in years. We sorted finances really easily & I took over house & mortgage. I met my now husband relatively quickly (we’ve been together 25 years now) but Ex came to house, obviously uninvited and I wouldn’t let him in. I’d never let him in after he left although legally he could have insisted before ownership was signed over to me. He demanded to know if I’d got a man in his house. Went mad. I just told him it’s none of his business & shut the door in his face. He called work a couple of times to ask for me. Last time he didn’t say who he was. My colleague & good friend thought he was a customer & said “sorry she doesn’t work here anymore. She’s left to have a baby”. She was mortified she’d told him but I didn’t care. Did me a favour as never heard from him again.

Funnily enough he was a sex pest too. Horribly cruel & abusive too but that’s a much longer story.