Has anyone has any experience of men who like to been known as 'sissies'?

[halloweenmask2021]

Long story short, my ex husband came out as a transvestite when we split (he'd hidden it for all of our marriage). He said that his 'thing' was being a Sissy.
Things have been pretty terrible since we divorced and we have no contact now, which is fine by me. However, our grown up children still want to keep in contact and I encourage it.
The issue is this.... since he 'came out' he seems to have turned into a completely different person. He's angry all the time and seems to embroil himself in family dramas which he never would have before. I overheard a very upsetting conversation between him and our 22 year old daughter whereby the terminology he was using was extremely immature and in parts, akin to a 12 year old girl having a tantrum. He said things like 'let's not bitch fight'... which is bizarre in the extreme.
Really I just wanted to find out if anyone else has any experience of this as I don't want the kids to end up with no father in their lives.

Excuse typo in heading !

Thankfully not. Poor you and your poor daughter.

Eurgh. How disturbing. Your kids are old enough to decide if they want to indulge his behaviour though. Leave it upto them.

I think you will find a great deal of information and support in the trans widows threads.

Sounds like they lost their father a while ago.

Let’s not bitch fight….sounds like a fantasy episode he wants to live out….no one talks that way in real life.

Sissy sounds offensive to my ears.

Another one coming to recommend the trans widows threads in the sex and gender section on the feminism board.

And you want him in their lives why?

I'm a trans widow.
They have grieving to do and need support. I'm not sure they need him. Their dad has left the building.

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

I'm very confused. On the one hand, people tell me to try and pretend I was never married to this man who has caused us so much pain, but on the other hand, we are now in world whereby we are meant to be 'all accepting' of individuals.

Personally, I'd prefer it if he dropped off the face of the earth but my kids still adore him, although now I feel they more pity him than anything else.

I would so love my children to have a father they looked up to, not one they know is bitter with life and prances around his home in a French maids outfit and feather duster !

I dont understand why you are gaslighting your kids with this and encouraging a relationship.
He sounds unpleasant and unwell.

I'd be an open and safe place for them to discuss issues but i would be going down the "how does that make you feel?" "Thats not a respectful or acceptable way for anyone to talk to you" path
This would be vs the "but he's your faaaaaaather you haave to love him" "there there he didnt mean it" " we need to support and validate him" path.

Help your children learn good boundaries.

So are they made aware of the maid's outfit etc? How does he dress when he's with them? Is he open with them about his interests?

Your ex is entitled to role play his fantasies and indulge any fetish he wants, but it is unforgivable to inflict them on his children.
His sex life belongs in the privacy of his bedroom.
It is beyond inappropriate to use the language of sissy porn to his daughter.
I agree with PPs, the trans widows thread is where you will find great support from women going through similar.
You need to be a safe, sane place for your DC to discuss their hurt and confusion at their father’s behaviour. Ultimately they will decide for themselves whether they want to continue a relationship with him , and on what basis. Try to remain calm and factual rather than emotional about him, and support whatever your DC want to do about it.

Sounds like his what should be private sexual fetish is spilling over i to his interactions with his kids. In my opinion its sexual.assault as much as if someone dresses in a gimp costume and starts talking in sexually inappropriate way. These men need to be in treatment, and not allowed to behave like this in public.

but on the other hand, we are now in world whereby we are meant to be 'all accepting' of individuals.

We're not in a world where we have to accept others at the expense of ourselves.

Dunno much about this but it sounds as misogynistic as hell. Some weird contemptuous fetish despising women - labelling being weak, pathetic, prancing, crying, bitching as "feminine traits".

Surely any sexual kinks should be carried out behind closed doors either alone or with consenting adults.

What on earth is he doing bringing it outside the bedroom? And saying things like that to your children?

Very strange.

What do your kids think? Very odd and unsettling really.

You need to have an honest conversation with each of your adult kids.

Their dad has changed, gone, chosen to reinvent himself

They are fully entitled to have issues with any of his behaviours

They can choose how much/little to see him whilst theywork through the chnages he has made.

YOU don't have to do anything other than be honest. You are gobsmacked by this, happy to be well out of it and grieving over what you thought your marriage was - because it obviously wasn't!

You don't have to hide any of that. Nor do you have to encourage, or discourage, your adult kids to do anything. They have their own choice - but do be honest with them so they don't feel pressured to do something because you seem to require it of them!

I would so love my children to have a father they looked up to, not one they know is bitter with life and prances around his home in a French maids outfit and feather duster!
It sounds from this comment that you have a lot of bitterness to work through too. Your children are adults and can facilitate their own relationship with their father without any need for input or comment from yourself.

This all sounds very hurtful. You've been through hell OP.

I don't think that the particular example you've given is that bad though- "bitch fight" is a pretty common (albeit pretty horrible) term. I take it there's a lot worse than that going on.
Seeing as your kids are now adults, all you need to do it support them in whatever they choose. You don't have to facilitate any relationship between them and their father, just that they know you're there for them.

Information of relevance to your children can be found here:

childrenoftransitioners.org/

And you can read other women's stories here:

www.transwidowsvoices.org/

I've no real experience but my friends late husband was a transvestitr (but not transexual) . They were both okay with this and they were rasing his three children from a previous marriage.

However...the children knew nothing about it and all his "female attire" including the "Sissie" stuff (yuck) was kept under lock and key.

When he died very suddenly all of it was collected while the children were out of the house.

This is where I feel sympathy for you as it evidently hasn't been hidden from your children. They will eventually make up their own minds about their Dad .

I think people should be able to express themselves but when it's a sexual thing like this I don't believe the whole world needs to know.

Sounds like his what should be private sexual fetish is spilling over i to his interactions with his kids.

This, this, this.

He has no respect for his 22 year old daughter - she is merely prop in his sexual fantasy. That's the gross reality.

We live in a world where we, rightly, cannot beat people up, kick them our of their homes or sack them because we don't like the clothes they wear or how they think abput themselves.

We are still (just about) in a world where you are allowed to say no to it in your own personal life if it cases your personal boundaries.