Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Opinions please

40 replies

thereishope75 · 11/10/2021 19:55

Me and my partner weren't able to see each other due to covid, when we could again I went to his house, I had only been in there roughly 30 minutes and he took my clothes off in his living room doing sexual things, it made me feel dirty and cheap like a piece of meat he could do whatever too.
Was he right to do this? I did consent it's nothing like that it's just more how he made me feel.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 12/10/2021 14:30

I’m sorry to hear this made you feel unhappy.

I think it’s perfectly normal (for both of you) to want to have sex with someone you haven’t seen for a while.

If this doesn’t reflect your feelings, maybe he is not right for you.

Orgasmagorical · 12/10/2021 14:32

@thereishope75

I think everything has built up over the past few months and made me rethink if I wanted to be with him, so him doing that just added to my worries.
Trust your instinct, be strong for yourself Flowers
SmileyClare · 12/10/2021 14:43

Are you also in your fifties? You sound young and inexperienced. Letting a man undress me and having sex when I wasn't particularly in the mood is something I would do in my early twenties. I've now got the confidence/ experience to not go along with things sexually just to please a man.

Do you actually fancy him? I mean are you attracted to him? I get the impression you don't enjoy sex and think things like "hard ons" are weird and repulsive.

The thing that stands out overwhelmingly is your lack of communication with him.

That's a massive issue. Why can't you communicate any of your feelings? Perhaps you've had trauma or bad relationships in your past and simply can't show any vulnerability or trust this man?

I agree with a pp, this relationship appears very unhealthy, almost as if you like the idea of a boyfriend and are just acting as you think a girlfriend should.

REDHERO · 12/10/2021 15:20

You don't sound compatible. I'd end it and find someone that treats you how you prefer to be treated.
Move on from him.

Original poster
thereishope75 · 12/10/2021 20:18

I haven't really felt the same about him since February when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he didn't support me and I felt I drifted away from him, in fact the time I found out about my dad, that same week we couldn't see each other because his phone pinged telling him to isolate I know not his fault. But that's when it happened when we could see each other again, instead of comforting me, he just wanted sex.

OP posts:
DameMaureen · 12/10/2021 20:27

If this is over then you need to stop rehashing things in your mind ( as there are no definite answers in there as to what he meant/felt etc ) however you do need to think about what is acceptable to you in the future and how you feel .

spotcheck · 12/10/2021 20:36

Did you exchange texts talking about sex beforehand?
Were you both kissing, and did you participate?

Original poster
thereishope75 · 12/10/2021 20:53

@spotcheck

Did you exchange texts talking about sex beforehand? Were you both kissing, and did you participate?
No none of that we hugged when I went in his house, after about 30 minutes we sat on his sofa and that's when he started taking my clothes off.
OP posts:
Pea22ches · 12/10/2021 21:00

You have different expectations OP. Is your BF or is he someone you just "see".

Original poster
thereishope75 · 12/10/2021 21:26

@Pea22ches

You have different expectations OP. Is your BF or is he someone you just "see".
We was in a partnership
OP posts:
spotcheck · 12/10/2021 22:55

Ah...
Ew ( responding to your reply to my post).

Nah, that's pretty gross behaviour

Dery · 13/10/2021 00:21

“I’m sorry to hear this made you feel unhappy.

I think it’s perfectly normal (for both of you) to want to have sex with someone you haven’t seen for a while.

If this doesn’t reflect your feelings, maybe he is not right for you.”

This. Like many PP, I would also want and anticipate having sex with my partner immediately if we’d been apart for a long time so I don’t think what he did was odd or cheapening of you. But you’re perfectly entitled to feel that wasn’t right for you. It sounds like you’re not well matched.

Original poster
thereishope75 · 13/10/2021 06:25

@thereishope75

I haven't really felt the same about him since February when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he didn't support me and I felt I drifted away from him, in fact the time I found out about my dad, that same week we couldn't see each other because his phone pinged telling him to isolate I know not his fault. But that's when it happened when we could see each other again, instead of comforting me, he just wanted sex.
Like I said
OP posts:
spotcheck · 13/10/2021 07:12

OP
You don't have to justify not wanting to continue the relationship.
If you don't feel the same, just end it

SmileyClare · 13/10/2021 07:21

I'm not sure what you want from this thread? You're focusing on the time when he undressed you for sex and you felt uncomfortable. Is that an example of how he makes you feel? Powerless? Used for sex?

If he makes you feel used and unsupported then end things. From what you've said, this does not sound like a partnership. You're not communicating what you want or how you feel. Is he much older than you?

Sorry about your dad, that's tough Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page