My partner says he wants to put our house (that we bought a year ago) on the market because it hasn't "fixed" us. I had no idea anything had been wrong until this declaration. I'm really angry as the house that was sold to pay a huge deposit was my house. I feel as though I've lost loads due to him not being honest. I asked several times before we moved if he was sure as this was a big commitment. We've been together a long time. He's done this before during stressful periods at the start of our relationship but I would have said we've been solid for several years. I'm just so mad and trying to hold it together as don't want to rile him before the house is sold. How do I deal with my anger? Help
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Relationships
meadowbleu ·
13/10/2021 15:42
He acknowledges that I put in most of the money and says I'll get my share but hence why I'm scared to rock the boat.
Going back to what you said on Monday @Tina7391 I have to say that's very generous of him 
And the fact that he says your previous home always 'felt like yours' well, there was a very good reason for that, but he still lived there over ten years with you.
This £400pcm he contributed for however long it was, you did spend that on food and utilities didn't you, he was contributing to living expenses at that stage not the mortgage. When he stopped contributing that, you not only put a roof over his head but you paid all the bills and potentially food.
I hope I got that right? You need a very clear record not only of capital into the property and mortgage payments but also how the rest of your financial costs were shared.
Tina7391 ·
13/10/2021 16:19
@meadowbleu
He acknowledges that I put in most of the money and says I'll get my share but hence why I'm scared to rock the boat.
Going back to what you said on Monday *@Tina7391* I have to say that's very generous of him
And the fact that he says your previous home always 'felt like yours' well, there was a very good reason for that, but he still lived there over ten years with you.
This £400pcm he contributed for however long it was, you did spend that on food and utilities didn't you, he was contributing to living expenses at that stage not the mortgage. When he stopped contributing that, you not only put a roof over his head but you paid all the bills and potentially food.
I hope I got that right? You need a very clear record not only of capital into the property and mortgage payments but also how the rest of your financial costs were shared.
Going back to what you said on Monday *@Tina7391* I have to say that's very generous of him
And the fact that he says your previous home always 'felt like yours' well, there was a very good reason for that, but he still lived there over ten years with you.
This £400pcm he contributed for however long it was, you did spend that on food and utilities didn't you, he was contributing to living expenses at that stage not the mortgage. When he stopped contributing that, you not only put a roof over his head but you paid all the bills and potentially food.
I hope I got that right? You need a very clear record not only of capital into the property and mortgage payments but also how the rest of your financial costs were shared.
He was putting in a significant amount for the last 3 years before we moved but previously he was paying digs.
OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake ·
13/10/2021 17:21
Don't sell the house
He can just move out and get his name off the mortgage since he's paid nothing
SEE A SOLICITOR
TipiForMe ·
13/10/2021 18:20
Not sure why it’s “we” bought the house when you paid for most of it. Do you mean you put it in both your names 
? Just why OP ? You must have had a blind sport somewhere….
ONE WORD: SOLICITOR, pronto.
I hope you can extract yourself with minimum financial damage.
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Icepinkeskimo ·
13/10/2021 19:16
My blood ran cold when I read this OP, I was in exactly the same position as you some years ago. We purchased a house I paid a sizeable deposit, (funds from what my father had left me in his will). This property also needed doing work on it (a lot of work, I may add) 3 years in and just the end was in sight. It wasn't though, I found out about his affair.
My stupidity was the belief that we were 'solid' even when my solicitor asked if I wanted to protect my 'assets' I remember feeling insulted as could never see us splitting up. How very naive I was.
I ended up starting all over again, he moved the other woman into the house and I lost virtually everything. I found the cheapest place I could afford and scraped together a deposit. I moved into my little house with my two cats, my bed, and a few belongings.
What I lost though cannot compare with what I gained. He controlled me (awfully but again you sometimes don't see it or want to admit it). I got my life back, and live it on my terms.
OP, please seek legal advice urgently, do not be me, the doormat that I was. We put our trust into our partners, thinking we are both on the same page, however that can change in a heartbeat (in my case when the grass looked greener for him).
Good luck and I am so very sorry this has happened to you 
Tina7391 ·
13/10/2021 20:32
@Icepinkeskimo
My blood ran cold when I read this OP, I was in exactly the same position as you some years ago. We purchased a house I paid a sizeable deposit, (funds from what my father had left me in his will). This property also needed doing work on it (a lot of work, I may add) 3 years in and just the end was in sight. It wasn't though, I found out about his affair.
My stupidity was the belief that we were 'solid' even when my solicitor asked if I wanted to protect my 'assets' I remember feeling insulted as could never see us splitting up. How very naive I was.
I ended up starting all over again, he moved the other woman into the house and I lost virtually everything. I found the cheapest place I could afford and scraped together a deposit. I moved into my little house with my two cats, my bed, and a few belongings.
What I lost though cannot compare with what I gained. He controlled me (awfully but again you sometimes don't see it or want to admit it). I got my life back, and live it on my terms.
OP, please seek legal advice urgently, do not be me, the doormat that I was. We put our trust into our partners, thinking we are both on the same page, however that can change in a heartbeat (in my case when the grass looked greener for him).
Good luck and I am so very sorry this has happened to you
My stupidity was the belief that we were 'solid' even when my solicitor asked if I wanted to protect my 'assets' I remember feeling insulted as could never see us splitting up. How very naive I was.
I ended up starting all over again, he moved the other woman into the house and I lost virtually everything. I found the cheapest place I could afford and scraped together a deposit. I moved into my little house with my two cats, my bed, and a few belongings.
What I lost though cannot compare with what I gained. He controlled me (awfully but again you sometimes don't see it or want to admit it). I got my life back, and live it on my terms.
OP, please seek legal advice urgently, do not be me, the doormat that I was. We put our trust into our partners, thinking we are both on the same page, however that can change in a heartbeat (in my case when the grass looked greener for him).
Good luck and I am so very sorry this has happened to you
I'm so sorry to read this. I'm so glad things have worked out for you. I hope the grass turned out to be not so green for him. I'll be moving with my 3 cats and don't really care about the material things as long as my cats are okay. Onwards and upwards for us both. Thank you for your message. Lifted my spirits ❤️
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