OH wants to move on

[Tina7391]

My partner says he wants to put our house (that we bought a year ago) on the market because it hasn't "fixed" us. I had no idea anything had been wrong until this declaration. I'm really angry as the house that was sold to pay a huge deposit was my house. I feel as though I've lost loads due to him not being honest. I asked several times before we moved if he was sure as this was a big commitment. We've been together a long time. He's done this before during stressful periods at the start of our relationship but I would have said we've been solid for several years. I'm just so mad and trying to hold it together as don't want to rile him before the house is sold. How do I deal with my anger? Help

[SortingItOut]

It's not unheard of for men to plan something like this before they split up.

I'm with a previous poster who said he planned this, its too much of a coincidence.

And he definitely has someone else lined up.

How was the house purchased? Joint tenants or tenants in common?

Is there a reason you didn't protect your deposit? Did he say there was no need?

[Fireflygal]

How was the property purchased? Joint tenants?

[meadowbleu]

As before get the legal advice. But on a human and relationship level, he can't have it both ways. He can't call off your partnership but keep ringing you and staying in the home 'because there is no one else' It's one thing or the other, breakup as he said, or he backtracks and want to repair and workon the relationship. But you've probably made up your own mind now and taken that choice away from him. If he's dropped the split as a sudden bomb then you're not there to be his support network.

[Tina7391]

Thanks everyone. Good to just get things off my chest.

[WatieKatie]

Did you buy as tenants in common or joint tenants?

[user1471457751]

If he contributed to the previous house for 10 years I don't think it's fair to say that you should get all the money from that house sale back. Even if you had not bought, he likely would have built up a beneficial interest in the first property.

[3rdTimeIsTheCharm1]

Get a bit of couples counselling, a few sessions just so you can clear the air. Maybe there is room to work with maybe not. If you are angry there is still love there.

If he refuses concealing together just take a couple of sessions for yourself.

Don't worry about the money right now.

[MimiDaisy11]

I agree about trying to get something in writing if he’s saying he’ll get you a larger share

[MoreStuffingMatron]

Get legal advice asap about protecting your deposit. If he’s feeling guilty now he’s more likely to sign.
I can’t believe the Solictor you used to purchase the house didn’t urge you to buy it as tenants in common, with shares in proportion to your purchase money.

[Tina7391]

I've never denied he's entitled to something. He contributed £400 a month for a few years then started a business where he earned nothing for 3 years so he hasn't exactly earned half my money.

[Tina7391]

I'm just numb at the moment. I asked him if it would help to speak to someone and he said we'd just be back here in 5 years. The strain of hum being in the house is killing me. More annoying is the fact that his work had been sending him away to work and since this all blew up they haven't so we've been stuck at home. I went to my mum's to work yesterday but she's nearly 80 and doesn't know what's going on and I don't want to worry her so I can't keep going there. It's such a mess. I'm trying to be cool and not cry but I know if we talk about it I'll start crying and he'll get annoyed. Aghhh

[FinallyHere]

I'm be so sorry you are going through this.

Not married, and no children, it's really up to the two of you to agree a fair split.

You may find yourself offering a bit more than he put in, in order to get him to sign and move out quickly.

Put your energy into preparing a list or spreadsheet of who paid for what the years. This will be very helpful to provide your solicitor with the facts of the matter.

If you can't agree, you can go to court to force a sale

[PearLime]

Go and speak to a solicitor about the house literally tomorrow (or today) throw a sickie at work, you can't have this hanging over you.

Sounds like he could have planned this. Tell your solicitor that. See what she says.

He is in the position now where he has nowhere to go, so he might be more willing to sign an agreement about the house. Best to get it sorted sooner rather than later.

[MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast]

In reality I could imagine this happening to many many people, as people are meeting people older.

You meet someone as an 'established' adult, you fall in love, believe it's a great idea to combine everything and then end up with less.

I would never, ever share my assets with a DP. Assets that I built up myself before I even met him. No way.

Sorry this might be happening to you. What has been the outcome, OP?

[QueenBee52]

He planned this

[Tina7391]

He's entitled to half of everything I'm afraid. He's still saying he'll acknowledge I've put more in though. We can't sell the house until we get building warrants approved so in limbo. I'm going to suggest we both spend some time at our parents until we can get the house on the market. It's a mess 😞

[Pompom2367]

Op speak to a lawyer asap

[billy1966]

@QueenBee52

He planned this

Abso -fxcking -lutely this.

There is NO way that this is not deliberate fraud.

I think you need to get legal advice.

You asked him was he sure.

He told you he was.

He did this to access your asset.

Get your paperwork together.

His 400 was rent for living in YOUR home.

He is a scam artist.

Speak to a solicitor about going to the police.

This is not the time to be emotional.

You need to harden your heart and act quickly and decisively.

You are being scammed.

Keep posting.

Perhaps post which part of the country you are in for a good legal recommendation.

How awful.

[billy1966]

If he acknowleges this.

Ask him to sign an agreement NOW to that effect.

If he refuses or blows you off, you will know the truth.

Do NOT trust him OP.

You have too much to lose here.

[Frazzledd]

What @billy1966 said! I'm so sorry OP.

[Tina7391]

I'm just so gutted. Can't eat or sleep. Not concentrating at work. Think I'm done with men!

[HarrisonStickle]

OP, when you bought this house, did you set out a deed where it would be sold 50/50 if you split up? You seem sure he's entitled to half.

[ClawedButler]

I'm trying to be cool and not cry but I know if we talk about it I'll start crying and he'll get annoyed

Oh you poor love, he's not even allowing you space to grieve the break-up. WTF has he got to be annoyed about anyway? You're entitled to your feelings, he doesn't get to say which of your emotions is or is not convenient for him.

On a practical note, though, why is he entitled to half if you don't have anything in writing?

[QueenBee52]

@HarrisonStickle

OP, when you bought this house, did you set out a deed where it would be sold 50/50 if you split up? You seem sure he's entitled to half.

Sorry Im not sure from OP replies