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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mental Health issues are NOT a reason for abuse

2 replies

SpaceOp · 11/10/2021 17:24

So many threads, there's an OP describing terrible behaviour. And inevitably someone comes along and says, "perhaps they have mental health issues?" like that excuses the behaviour. And I'm finding it increasingly frustrating. I want MH to be addressed and seen as something that we should all acknowledge and that as a society we should be prepared to help figure out solutions for. But I am no longer prepared to be treated badly by people, consistently and over a long period of time, because of their mental health.

I saw this (again) on someone's facebook the other day and it really catalysed the issue for me. I have a good friend with poor mental health. And I have made excuses for her and accommodated her over and over again over a long period. But I've come to realise that she's been getting away with treating me badly for years with vague comments about how she's struggling and I have had to accept that I'm simply not a priority for her, and that's 100% fine but I am no longer prioritising her either.

"Some people are quick to label you a shitty friend with no clue how broken you are and instead of understanding, they just call the friendship quits.
There are many people that have a night out planned, or arrange a coffee with friends and suddenly the 4 walls they inhabit seem the only safe haven because it's the only place they don't have to pretend they are ok, so they cancel.
Or when they are invited out they tell their friends how terribly sorry they are but they're already booked up that weekend, when they are actually just really busy holding it together in their safe box.
So the first problem starts, all by itself.
People stop asking them out and the isolation that at first wasn't true becomes their only truth.
Please don't give up on your friends. Ring them, go round, even when they don't want you to.
I'm going to make a bet, without being pessimistic, that out of my Facebook friends that less than 5 will take the time to put this on their wall to help raise awareness for those who have mental health difficulties.
Who will be my 5 I wonder?"

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 11/10/2021 21:59

I find it worse when people say “maybe he’s autistic” 🙄

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 11/10/2021 22:58

I agree op.

I have in the past flaked on meeting friends but I've always apologised after and explained its my issue. And I've accepted that I've lost friendships because of it.

@TurnUpTurnip Yes this annoys the shit out of me too! Because the op reads "oh he doesn't mean it, he's got a condition, I should ignore it and just take his abuse" Most autistic people I know are very aware that they can come across differently and try to compensate.

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