How to support best friend in abusive relationship?

[roses2]

My best friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship. He has no job, never worked. She has no kids and he has two. She pays for everything including his £1.5k gambling and dope habit, sports car etc.

I appreciate she won’t leave until she’s ready l. She said he loves him and doesn’t want to be alone. But my dilemma is she calls several times a day for support. It’s tiring for me listening to the same story, hearing her cry. I love her but don’t have time for 2 hours a day worth of phone calls.

How can I support her since she won’t leave him? I don’t want to cut her off as she won’t talk to anyone else about him as she knows it’s a bad relationship but I just don’t have the time or energy for daily calls

This osnwjere you need to have boundaries.

She's making a choice in her life to stay with him, regardless.of it all, because she doesn't want to be alone.

That's fine. It's her choice to stay.

You can make the choice to not listen to it.

Just tell her that, whilst you have sympathy for her situation, you have things going on in your own life and don't have the capacity to be her sounding board.

Or suggest that she sees a therapist she can offload this onto and you two can just get on with being friends.

I've been in a similar position and it is mentally exhausting.

Thank you - I think you're right. She needs to see a therapist but I know she won't as she knows it's not a good relationship and she doesn't have the money.

Either way I can't be the sounding board she needs - I have too much going on at home.

So sad - why do women stay in relationships like this :(

Many, many reasons, sadly...

It's very difficult but you absolutely have to lay down some boundaries here, particularly since she's in a position to walk away if she wishes (no shared children; financially secure etc).

You might want to give her a copy of Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. She may see some insights into herself there. You may get some insights into her yourself if you read it. In particular, it sounds like she may fall into a rescuer role rather easily. And I suppose she's less worried about being left when her partner is so dependent on her.

Sounds awful, though, OP.

Thank you for the book recommendation, I will pass this on to her.

Yes she can absolutely walk away. She has no ties to him and is financially independent on her own (or was until he spent all her savings and now she's in debt).

He shouts and screams at her almost daily, spends all her money and generally treats her like dirt.

This is what it makes it all the more frustrating for me listening to her over and over again - there is nothing stopping her from walking away.