I looked at my DH long and hard yesterday and realised he's completely and utterly miserable.
Our marriage has been dead for a while and we haven't been happy for a couple of years. I know I have to leave because I'm unhappy, largely because I share a house with someone who is completely and utterly miserable with life.
I know that he is miserable partly because of me. He hasn't said it but I know. He finds me a nag, he repeatedly rolls his eyes at me and sighs, he hates me I think. He is a day dreamer, things get done badly if they get done at all, I often feel like his manager, I have to ask directly for help with the children. I have become an angry, horrible woman through frustration, feeling taken for granted and through burnout.
I know I've changed. We were very irresponsible and care free when we met, traits we shared and probably brought us together. We had DCs and then one of them got sick and I've never been the same since. I'm organised, I plan better and life feels calmer and less chaotic for it. DH is still happy in chaos.
He obviously detests me, won't even let me massage him, we don't even sleep in the same bed.
But also, he won't leave. He says he's content, but he isn't, he's sad. He seems downtrodden but want us to carry on like this, pretending it's all ok. He lets me blow up at him when I've "nagged" him about something several times then shrugs it off like it's nothing. He never replies to my messages, he won't speak to me, I ask him for ideas for our family and he shrugs his shoulders and says he's not bothered. I feel like I've ruined him. I need to leave him for him more than I need to leave him for me I think but he won't even discuss it.
I try to involve him on our plans but he doesn't contribute but then comes across as opressed by me. I'm at a loss. I wish he would leave me. He has somewhere to go and I don't.