I feel so guilty for even signing up here and posting here, but I don't know where else to turn...Please be kind.
I've been together with my partner for 2 years now. We've been through some really tough times, but this year has been a particularly tough. Within the space of six months, he has lost two family members and a friend. He also has a very stressful job that often leaves him feeling very drained and unmotivated to do anything. He is severely depressed and has told me a few times he is feeling suicidal. At the moment, he is receiving weekly counselling, but it only seems to help temporarily in that moment. His moods are so up and down that I’m constantly walking on eggshells. We had an argument last week and he arrived home late from work. I immediately assumed the worst, and as a result I’m an absolute nervous wreck. I feel as a partner I have tried everything. I have encouraged him to go to the doctor, but he refuses. I think he thinks they’ll just put him on tablets which he doesn’t want to take. I try to support him with everything that he does. I’m always trying to please him and make him happy but whatever I do I feel it’s not enough.
I’ve turned down certain jobs because he doesn’t want to be alone at night, and then as a result he won’t be able to sleep.
I’m meant to be going to a funeral next week, and it’s a long drive. My mum has offered I stay over at her house, but I can’t because I know he’ll be upset, and those things make him unhappy. Some days I can’t get anything out of him, and it leaves me feeling lonely and exhausted. I also have a DD from a previous relationship. I’m scared that my attention is so focused on my partner that it’s affecting how she is behaving. I am very unhappy and the only thing stopping me from walking away is the fear of him doing something stupid. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that I could have somehow stayed and helped him.