How to raise lack of intimacy / connection with DP

[Pky45]

Hello All – based on recent thread I read on the this forum, I’m looking for some honest opinions on the lack of intimacy / closeness / connection in my relationship, I’m a man (52) partner same age, no children we have been together for about 25 years. We are mortgage free, nice little house worth about, joint income of about £70k, 2 newish cars, some savings etc, so no money worries.
But we have no intimacy or connection these days, we just feel like housemates now, no hand holding, no kisses, no hugs. / cuddles etc. I think we have had sex once or twice in about the last 3 years.
She seems to think this is quite common in long term relations, but I don’t think I can carry on like this much longer, its just so depressing.

We share the household tasks like housework and washing, I do most of the shopping and pay most of the bills to be honest (which is okay),

My partner just seems to complain about everything, nothing is good enough and all small tasks seem to be huffed and puffed at, she is also talking about going part time, which is okay, but reduce our joint income obviously.
Thanks for reading, any thoughts would be appreciated.

So are you going to go part time too, or are you just going to fund it ?
I can’t see for one minute why you are still with her. You want a loving sexual relationship, and you are entitled to that.
She is also entitled to not be expected to have sex, but it’s up to you if you want to sacrifice that to be with her.
At her age I’d be wondering if she’s peri menopausal ( I’m around her age and don’t want sex either, so I’m not critical of her in any way ).
If she is, and wants to look into rekindling her libido, she might want to look into HRT. Or she might be quite happy as she is.

If she is happy then fair enough. You do not have to be happy with the status quo, make sure you have a proper conversation (ie point out that if she doesn't wish to rekindle an intimate relationship then you are done) and then make your planned exit. Also make sure you give her this info in full before she goes part time so she has a chance of funding a single lifestyle.

Do you want to be with her? She doesn’t sound very nice, or like she respects you or values you. Sounds more like she likes the joint lifestyle but not you very much.

She seems to think this is quite common in long term relations, but I don’t think I can carry on like this much longer, its just so depressing

You have to be utterly honest with her that the relationship is over without sex. And for God's sake, do it now before she goes part-time.
If she is doing that she obviously has no idea how bad things are from your point of view.

Do not cheat. Do not do ' an open relationship'. Both those options just bring another woman in to be hurt.

Both of you deserve to live full lives with honesty, even if getting there means the temporary pain of a split.

Thanks all for the feedback

@GoodnightGrandma there has been no real discussion of what I’m going to do, yes she is menopausal, and has gained some weight over lockdown (which doesn’t bother me), but she is less keen on going out now.

@JustGiveMeGin thanks

@Salayes it tricky as I still remember the young woman I loved, but it’s not the same person I live with now

@branchlight
Thanks, for the feedback

Hm, there's another thread going on right now that agrees that no-one is entitled to sex, and I'm inclined to agree with that. Not the right word.

@Pky45 If you think that your relationship is reaching its natural end, or at risk, you need to have a serious talk to your partner about how she should not go part-time right now, if that could put her at financial disadvantage if you break up.

Whether that is the case or not, you're going to have to be honest to her, and shake things up.