Re friends in your forties

[DBI78]

Hi I’ve found over past five years or so that I don’t feel I have any close friends. I have two old friends that I see for coffee every couple of months but it’s more like habit we don’t have much in common any more. I have a couple of people I’m friendly with from school run but I more just see them to avoid loneliness. My husband is a bit of a home bird he has a group of friends but probably sees them a couple of times a year. I love my husband but find when we spend time together we don’t have a lot to talk about (he’s not a big talker) I’m not close to my family and my husbands family are not that friendly. I miss having a close connection to people but having three kids I don’t have a lot of spare time to invest in new friendships even if I could find any!! Anyone else feel same?

Yes I do, life is busy enough with the dc and I don't have the time or energy to go looking for new friends. The couple of friends I have we handling once every few months and catch up but nothing in between

Me. I comment on it often to my mum, especially when I see all these people on social media out with their friends. I'd stepped away from several friendships over the past five years or so, and don't regret it, although it does leave me feeling a bit isolated at times. I'm single too, so very much struggle with the lack of conversation.

You are a social butterfly compared to me! 🙂

Aprilx thank you 😂 I miss having friends to go dancing with and laugh together

Can you take up a new hobby?

When I felt like this, I did three things - I joined a choir; I took up dance lessons; and I started going to live music gigs at a local pub.

Not all at the same time but at various points in the 5 years after my marriage ended.

I met some idiots, I made some acquaintances but I also made a few very good friends who I'm still friends with now. It's now 10 years since my marrange ended.

If your husband is a homebred but you need more social interaction, couldn't ypu go out a couple of evenings a week whilst he is at him with the children?

I'm mid 40s.

*homebird

I think it's really common for this to happen when you have kids. You just don't have the time to maintain all the relationships anymore. My kids are now older (late teens) and for the last 5 years or so I have made a real effort to reconnect with old friends who, just like me, have been swamped with kids stuff for the last decade or so. Luckily, it's been really easy to reconnect and I value my friends just as much now as I did in my 20's. I wish I hadn't neglected my friends for so long but we were all in the same boat so we all feel the same at least. I feel like I am slowly becoming myself again and it's lovely.

Maybe reach out to old friends you have lost touch with. If you were once friends, you probably still can be.

Mid forties.

I have a small group of about 5 friends I see with varying degrees of regularity. The difficulty for me is that all but one of them are married whilst I'm divorced so it doesn't feel like we're quite so much on the same page these days.

They all work part time and spend the weekend doing couple/family stuff whilst I work full time and am free at weekends, although I am just in the throes of changing my job so hopefully that will make it a bit easier.

My best mate and I have both been single for a while and were looking forward to getting back out there together post Covid but she's just met someone who she can only see at weekends due to distance/work commitments, so that's knocked that on the head and I must admit I'm trying very hard to feel pleased for her and not a bit disgruntled.

I have some lovely online friends, a couple of whom I speak to several times a week, but I really need some more RL single friends!

Tennis, or sea swimming if you are near the sea. Both are incredibly social, especially the tennis. Anyone I know who plays tennis, no matter the personality has tons of friends.
You are not alone in this, its pretty common but the only way to make friends is get out there and put the effort in. I find the people who are the most proactive about asking to meet for coffee, organizing things have the most friends. Not everyone will be interested but you would be surprised how many people will be in a similar position, often despite appearances