Marriage split - do I keep talking to her?

[SseD]

Hi, first post, be gentle please.

Me and my wife have split up around 6 weeks ago. Been together 7 years, married for 2. She basically told me she’s fell out of love with me. I still absolutely love her to pieces and am obviously trying to win her back, most probably impossible.

Anyway, I’m struggling. Mentally and physically. My heads a mess, I miss her and can’t stop thinking about her. We still text each other and talk about general day to day stuff. Sometimes jokes are flying round but there’s no flirting or anything like that, it’s like it’s strictly friendly. Now we have to still talk to each other while we figure out what we’re doing with our house and bills etc. I still live in the house and she moved into her mums. Everything is still amicable and neither of is want to fall out.

Now I know that for me to try and move on, I don’t want to and I know it’s not going to happen overnight, but part of me knows I need to stop talking to her to make things easier on myself but I don’t know how to go about doing it without falling out or making things worse. (Can it get worse?).

I’m finding it hard to stop messaging her back whereas she can go hours without doing it. I’m slowly dying inside because I can’t bear the thought of never speaking to her again :(

What do I do?

I don't have any answers but if you continue to communicate it will be a lengthy torture. It's not fair to keep you dangling and living in hope. Maybe it's best to fight through without any communication in the long run. My heart goes out to you. X

We still text each other and talk about general day to day stuff. Sometimes jokes are flying round . It's only been six weeks, you're hurting like hell , but the texts are zooming back and forth as if you're a couple of old pals . Not a good idea at all. Nobody can go from committed spouses to friends in such a short period of time. it will prolong the pain. Don't do this to yourself.

Look she's told you she doesn't love you and she has moved out. That tells you that she has been planning this for a while and her mind is made up. It's all new to you so of course you think there might be a chance to change things. I know it's hard but you have to accept what she has said and done , and move on from that.

No more messaging , get a lawyer, and get the separation under way. No jokey texts, no day-to-day messages, she isn't your pal she's your ex . You're asking for pain if you continue to act like this is going to change - in my experience it never does.

Best wishes to you .

I tried "staying friends" with an ex, it did not work. He was more emotionally aware than me (which was a first) in saying "talking to you is hurting me".

I'd advise you make a new email account and tell him to communicate only through that, only for legal matters. Check that email only once a week and have someone supportive with you when you do.

You need to go cold turkey and only communicate with her regarding the split.
She might even be getting a kick out of you wanting her, but she doesn’t want you back.

You need to stop contact. Trust me it’s the only way to move on. She doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

Stop replying to her

Go no contact, take back your dignity.. she will admire and be curious so much more than if you are there for her to pick up and drop on her every whim.

I’ve tried that but it just drives me insane not talking

I just felt the less I talked to her the more she just went further away

You're delaying the inevitable.

It's over. The longer you delay processing that and grieving this relationship, the harder it will be to process and the deeper the grief will be.

No contact is short term pain for long term gain.

Keep sleeping on the past and you won't progress.

Though it's unfortunate, your marriage hasn't turned out the way you expected, regardless you need to accept the present reality and move on.

Don't let the past stop you from enjoying an alternative future!

I'm sorry, op, but she is already out the door and down the hall. She's left you, and she doesn't love you in the way a wife should anymore. She's really not doing you any favours by communicating so much. All of this back and forth needs to end, and you need to move on. Think of it as strictly business from this point forward. Get a solicitor and get this over with.

I am so sorry you're going through this. I would try to keep as busy as possible. This is where your friends/family/colleagues can show up to support you through this very difficult time. Maybe you have hobbies that you can start again or other activities that interest you. Make a plan to maybe do something that you've put off for a while such as DIY or learn something new you always wanted to. In short now is the time to focus on yourself and be kind and gentle. Try to reduce and keep your interactions with your ex to the necessaries only. The reality is that it's over and there is now space for each of you to move on. It will take time but it will be worth it for both of you.