Am I lonely or is this normal

[namechanged31]

I'm 24 years old and have only 2 people I consider ' friends '
We text a couple of times a week and see each other separately every 2/3 month maybe a bit longer
I have a 18 month old daughter who I'm with all day - I work Saturday and Sunday evenings
my partner works 8-5 Monday to Friday and I see my mam a couple of times a week for a few hours if that
That's it
Is this normal part of life growing up?
Before baby I thought I had quite a lot of friends but that's slowly dwindled
Thank you x

Yes, it can be normal.

When your daughter goes to school you might make more friends.

Also, there are Apps to find/meet friends with common interests.

www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/gallery/best-friend-making-apps

Do you go to baby groups with your daughter? Are the other mums friendly?

How about coworkers at work?

If you meet some nice people through work / childcare your friendship group can grow again, it keeps changing in life, but it's probably on of the busiest times on your life with work + childcare

I'm feeling really lonely lately and find people only ask to see me if I can ' get a babysitter ' so I've cut a lot of people out
These 2 people are included in that and only really have the time to see me when my daughters elsewhere
I want to cut them out too but then I'd literally only have my mam

Well you have a lot more social interaction than I do. You've got:
A mum
A partner (who I presume you live with)
A daughter
2 friends

Seriously that's a lot, I could not cope with that amount of interaction. Is your problem lack of adult interaction? Are you working?

There seems to be something going on here about your baby being with you - either it bothers you that you feel people only want to see you alone (though preferring adult company is a valid choice) or maybe it bothers other people when the baby is with you? I have a friend who always brings her baby with her - wouldn't be too big a deal except she fusses over her constantly (even when she seems quite content) and never talks about anything else. Might that be the case?

That said, if you want to cut out the only two friends you have left, you might not be giving off vibes that make people want your company...

@namechanged31

I'm feeling really lonely lately and find people only ask to see me if I can ' get a babysitter ' so I've cut a lot of people out These 2 people are included in that and only really have the time to see me when my daughters elsewhere I want to cut them out too but then I'd literally only have my mam

Why are you cutting these people out. As a mother you can have child free trips out to see your friends. Catch up with a drink or cinema once DP at home and bay is in bed. Can be an early meeting.

As other suggested goto some baby clubs, spot who your chil plays with and start talking to their mum/dad. Then arrange some parkdates.

I think it's OK for child-free friends to want to see you without your child, I don't think that's a reason to cut people out. See if you can start going to a toddler group and make some friends with people who have kids, then you can meet up for playdates in the day. Then reach out to your old friends for a meet up one Friday night when you can leave your dd with your dp. I have friends I see with my kids and friends I enjoy adult only time with.

Babies, however lovely, change the dynamic of a meet up.
If I didn't/don't have children with me, I also don't want to meet a friend bringing their child - that's really normal.
I found I needed to make a new set of friends once I had children - with those with children of a similar age.

Yea very normal.

Don’t cut your friends out (unless you have other reasons). They are just at a different stage of life to you. You can still see them without your DD. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and really valued the time
I had with them on my own. But I did also invite them to come to my house etc and that meant spending time with my DC too.

Do you manage to go to groups with your DD now that things are starting to open up?

You’ve had quite a different experience having a baby during the pandemic. My time was filled with baby and toddler groups, trips to the shops etc with people (big shopping centres usually have great baby facilities and cafes)

You've every evening in the week and all day Saturday or Sunday to meet friends without your DD. Why wouldn't that work?
I wouldn't want a friend bringing her baby with her for a meet up either.
Doesn't your partner ever take his DD out on his own and give you chance to do your own thing??!

I don't understand why you're so keen to cut people out? It seems shortsighted. Your daughter is 18 months. If you're in the uk, she will be eligible for free nursery hours in another 18 months, which could free up your time to see people without her. That's a large stretch of time in her life but only a short amount of time in the life of an adult friendship which can span decades.

The key to maintaining adult friendships ime, is to be flexible - there will be some stretches where you don't see much of some people, some where you see more - and to maintain a wide network, so that if you're not able to see particular people at any one time, then there will be others you can see. But it does take proactive effort to make and maintain friendships as an adult. Like all relationships. They don't automatically happen.

I think if you had more mum friends, it wouldn’t be an issue if your daughter was around. Like someone else said, once she goes to school you might make some mum friends