Confused about my feelings

[Sunshine186]

I'm due to move house, a house myself and my oh are buying together. I'm sat here feeling like I'm confused about my feelings and even doubting the relationship. We've been together 3 years and both have children to other people. He's kind, caring, generous and I love him. He never ever talks about his feelings, never says he loves me, misses me, anything about how he feels. I've brought this up with him a few weeks ago as I'm feeling like I know nothing about how he feels. I'm not in secure but I've never been in a relationship where I've had to guess. I find it hard and he knows this. He just says he feels things but doesn't feel he needs to say them. I think this is what is causing me to feel confused.

We don't usually fall out but we had a disagreement yesterday and now he's gone on holiday with his brother for a week. I'm feeling a bit wounded from it and he's not spoke to me all day. It's like he doesn't feel upset, he knew I was upset but it feels like he's not even curious to see how I am.

I'm feeling down and don't have anyone I can talk to. I feel so confused.

Some men internalise feelings. My ex took 2 years to say he loved me and never complimented me. He just wasn't capable of it. He's my ex for that very reason as I need an open and transparent relationship. I don't need constant validation and adoration, but I need to know my partner is on the same wavelength as me and that communication is equal.

You two need to have an open conversation about this. Buying a house with someone IMO is almost as serious as marriage. It's a huge commitment and emotional upheaval. You need to be on the same page.

My house has sold and we are moving in a few weeks. I feel like I don't know what to do. He's sold his house too.

My DH really struggles with saying he loves me but he shows me he loves me in lots of little ways. Does your partner do that for you? You say he’s kind and caring but the behaviour you describe doesn’t sound very kind or caring. Have you bought somewhere together yet? If not, maybe slow down on that.

He always makes nice plans with me, comes over late after work/early morning after a long drive, he's kind, caring, he does nice things for me etc. He is always affection, holds my hand when we are out, always cuddles me, wants to know about my day, calls all the time. We've bought a house already. I'm not sure if I'm just nervous about moving house and also I've lived alone for a few years now

So it sounds like he does show you he loves you. Talk is cheap. How he behaves is much more important.

But if you’re having cold feet, maybe slow down on buying somewhere together. FWIW I had been single (with the odd date here and there) for 7 years when I met my DH. We sold our respective properties and bought somewhere together after 3.5 years. It felt right and I didn’t have second thoughts but I always knew that if it didn’t work out we could sell our shared place.

Maybe read "Love Languages" maybe even together and discuss.
(The one for teenagers get a bit religious and frankly creepy at the end, but the underlying concept is helpful)
You both realising how you express love and need to be shown love could be valuable. If he's not willing to think about it and try you might have more issues.

It is nice to hear those words, but there is truth in the saying 'actions speak louder than words'.

Yes actions are important but a life lived with someone who never gives you the verbal reassurance and love you need is slow torture.

What are your options OP? Have you bought the house yet? Are you moving into rental?

We are due to move in a few weeks and we have bought the house. I'm really anxious and I have lots to sort aside from moving, changing my hours at work, school applications etc. I'm unsure if this is making me feel worse.

We've talked this week and he says he feels but has never been one to talk about feelings. He says he shows me with how he is towards me. I've told him what would make me feel better but he can't say things. He's been like this since I met him , not new but I'm moving house etc and it's making me worry. It's hard because he feels uncomfortable when people cry and if I get upset he doesn't comfort me. He is like that with the rest of his family even when his mum cries.

When you say "bought the house" what do you mean?
Exchanged and completed? (If so why haven't you moved? Where are you living?)
Exchanged but not completed?
In a chain but not exchanged or completed?ed
If it's the last one you can still sell yours but not but the joint house still. With so many misgivings please think carefully.
A man who is so tone deaf to your emotional needs does not bode well. It's all very well FOR HIM that he doesn't feel he needs to express how he feels. But what about what you need? He is telling you he won't consider compromising, ever.