Is there a way to stop being irritated by someone?

[FlatStanletta]

There is a person in my life who I find intensely irritating. It makes me feel like a total bitch (and maybe I am) but I can’t seem to help these feelings of frustration and irritation bubble up when I’m with this person (who I have to be with fairly regularly).

Can I somehow retrain my brain to NOT find them so annoying?

I don’t want to go into what is annoying about them as I think that will become a bashing but suffice to say others also do find this person difficult to spend time with but perhaps not as much as me.

At heart they are a nice person and the things that make them annoying to me are not things that are likely to change.

So I think I need to change. I want to be a better, bigger person. Are there techniques to change how you feel / react to a person? I would love to be able to just accept this person and their quirks without feeling so irritated.

Try imagining they are a toddler..................because you'd probably tolerate whatever crap they're saying easier if it were coming out of the mouth of a small child.........

I think that it depends on who the person is and what their link to you is. I don't really think you can retrain your brain, you have to find a way of coping and limiting the time with the person so they don't irritate you so much. Without any more specific information it's impossible to give advice on it really

Meditation?

@wobblywinelover

I think that it depends on who the person is and what their link to you is. I don't really think you can retrain your brain, you have to find a way of coping and limiting the time with the person so they don't irritate you so much. Without any more specific information it's impossible to give advice on it really

I agree with this. You don't have to like everyone you come across. Either cut them out altogether or limit contact. Obviously, that's easier said than done, depending on who the person is. If it's a relative or a work colleague, it's a bit harder.

Maybe try and understand why they're like that? If you have more empathy, they may not irritate you quite so much.

It is very difficult. And it really does depend on what is annoying about the person.

My MIL always has to make a big show of giving the biggest gift or having the most outrageous story. If something bad has happened to you, she’s had it worse etc. If something good has happened, something better has happened to her. She really craves attention.

I realise now that she had a very difficult childhood and she’s hugely insecure so now craves affection and attention. Once I realised this it was easier to deal with.

Thank you for the replies.

It’s impossible for me to cut this person out but I do limit time we spend together. We end up having to spend a few days every 6 weeks or so in relatively close proximity.

I think the empathy route is probably a good one as I think some of the more irritating traits are founded in a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. I think perhaps meditation is also a good shout. Perhaps if I am more chilled out I can be more understanding!?

Just reflecting on it, I think I have got to the point (it’s been a very long time) where even the thought of this person makes me feel so annoyed that when we are actually in the same room they can’t win, it’s like I’m waiting for them to do something irritating.

I need to find a way to reset things so I don’t go into every encounter thinking “UGH!” before they have even walked into the room!

Recognising that you are very reactive to this person is a good first step. I’ve managed to detach from my irritating MIL. Her behaviour is so predictable it’s now almost mildly amusing and I almost look forward to seeing what ridiculous thing she’s going to come out with next.
It did take a lot of years of being intensely irritated to reach this zen state. You can do it!