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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So angry with ex husband

52 replies

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/10/2021 13:02

I've just got to vent really, anonymously, I've since blocked the arse from every aspect of social media.
I divorced my ex 45 years ago basically because he was horrible, could be aggressive, lazy, in and out of work when it suited him.
Didn't stay in touch as he buggered off abroad to avoid paying CMS and my DS didn't see him again until he was 18.
Luckily my DS is chilled and keeps him at arms length but says he manages his time with his father because he is a handful, i.e no social skills and no off switch.
My ex inherited a house shortly from his mother worth half a million and instead of taking care of it and either living in it or renting it out let it fall to bits then had to sell it for half of what it was worth.
The rest of the money he just pissed up the wall and now lives in a rented dump.
No didn't consider his son at all in all of this or his sons inheritance, he doesn't have any other children.
I've worked hard all my life to provide a nice home for DS and now am in a position to help buy him a house of his own - he is thrilled, he is a really sensible man good with money, has no debts, has a good job.
Ex pops up on facebook messenger the other day to say we need to talk about DS, we need to start "co-parenting" properly (DS is 40 years old) he's wasting his life (doesn't want ex's choice of career for him which is pretty much out of the boy's own manual) and thinks he isn't "grateful" enough to his father for his advice over the years!!!! Says I shouldn't buy him a house or he'll just be a mummys's boy forever, actually he's been living independently with my lovely DiL for 20 years. I don't interfere in his life at all.
I really lost my shit and still feel a bit psychotic if I'm honest.
I wondered if there are any really angry women out there who would like to help me build a new patio.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 10/10/2021 14:20

Wants to do-parent a 40 year old? I hope you told your son and had a good laugh! Block the twat.

Fizzgigg · 10/10/2021 14:22

@Mumsnut

Just text back ‘ Who is this?’
You win Mumsnet today GrinStar
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 10/10/2021 14:40

Hahaha what a knob. Guessing he's facing his own care needs soon and panicking about it.

Powerpotpie · 10/10/2021 14:57

Omg! I’m actually incensed reading that and he’s not even my ex! 😆

beigebrownblue · 10/10/2021 15:03

Yes, I'll help you build the patio.Divorced eight years ago. Never got a settlement, ex was supposed to pay according to court order six months ago and didn't. Now he is quibbling about 2k when I'm due that in interest alone.

I like the reply as someone suggested 'who is this?'

Blocked mine on the phone ages ago.

Yes, I'm angry. Think this spurs you on sometimes,
other times just think he is beyond pathetic.

Hope this week brings a resolution...

beigebrownblue · 10/10/2021 15:05

@MintJulia

I'll help with the patio, there's no space under mine Grin

Just tell your ex that the boat sailed 35 years ago, he and his views are irrelevant and to mind his own business.

Then treat yourself to a long walk in the autumn sunshine and then a lovely glass of wine in your clean, sane, man-free house. Leave him to stew in his filthy rented dump.

Love this.
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/10/2021 15:10

Text back think you have the wrong person as my son is 40 and it would be ridiculous of anyone to suggest co parenting a 40 year old

Sakurami · 10/10/2021 15:16

I would either ignore or answer back that your son has an amazing life despite being lumbered with the world's shittest father and the prick wouldn't parent him when he needed parenting.

Groovee · 10/10/2021 15:16

He's 40 years too late. But I can understand why it's bothered you so much. For 40 years you've basically been your son's only parent. I bet his dad tried to parent him and got told to bog off.

WilsonMilson · 10/10/2021 15:18

Just ignore him. It’s been 45 years for goodness sake. What he does with his life is none of your business and what you do or give to your son is none of his.

I would just delete the message and ignore entirely.

HappyDays101010 · 10/10/2021 15:25

You divorced him 45 years ago, and your son is 40?

Original poster
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/10/2021 15:51

@HappyDays101010

You divorced him 45 years ago, and your son is 40?
I meant to put divorced 35 years ag0 - texting and sausage fingers!!!
OP posts:
Glenthebattleostrich · 10/10/2021 17:32

I'll provide the alibi if you like. No good at digging since I got my nails done!! I can however pour a rather lovely G&T (Currently on Holy Island Gin with fever tree)

Pegsonstrings · 10/10/2021 17:53

I will bring my toolbox with me. I am so with you OP. I have had exactly this and more over the years. How these men function is mind boggling. I am sure they just get up each day and think the world owns them somehow and we are just silly women rejecting their advice, advances, morals or lack of, their worldly views, their entitlement and the list goes on and on. I raised my son on my own too and he is no mummies boy but a well adjusted thoughtful individual so far away from what his dad is.

So, one day you will manage to just laugh it off. Your son sees what you see with regards to the useless ex. Just laugh it off and thank your lucky starts you divorced it.

tribpot · 10/10/2021 18:06

Time to co-parent but also you're doing too much for your 40 year old son?? I think he reckons there's a chance to get some money out of you, if you can afford to help DS out.

"Who is this?" a bit hard to pull off on FB messenger, otherwise I would definitely support this response as well. Instead I would just block without a word. What a complete pillock.

Bollindger · 10/10/2021 18:14

You could always write on Facebook, showing does a text take to send, because I just had one that took 35 years to receive.

ArnoldBee · 10/10/2021 18:23

You need to text back:
Excellent I'm really pleased that you're wanting to co parent. Looking forward to our ongoing relationship and please make the cheque payable to:

Yogawankonobi · 10/10/2021 18:26

I’ve got a large field if you need it op?

tempchecked · 10/10/2021 18:35

He wants some or all of the money you intend to use to help buy your son a house. Obviously.

frozendaisy · 10/10/2021 18:35

I would send the conversation to your son and scream with laughter that his useless father now wants to co-parent.

Actually useless father probably is fishing around for his son to step up to look after him in his dotage.

Keepitrealnomists · 10/10/2021 18:47

He's obviously after money... KNOB!

Original poster
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/10/2021 18:50

My DS says I should delete anything I get from him immediately because he isnt good for my mental health. He can say that again!
He did laugh about the co-parenting though.
He often gets letters from my ex saying he should have joined the army/become a pilot/ joined the SAS like a proper man none of which interests him whatsoever. My ex is a puny string bean and could never have done any of these things.
My DS could flatten him with one hand.
DiL says he'd better never visit them again or she's leaving.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/10/2021 18:51

How I wish I could like all of these posts, they really cracked me up Grin

OP posts:
TrueRefuge · 10/10/2021 18:55

Coparent a 40 year old? What on earth??? God he sounds delirious. Definitely sounds like he's after some money, cheeky git.

Sorry OP, hope your new patio is very deep and lovely to sit on.

Rainbowqueeen · 10/10/2021 19:01

Bruised ego because you have done just an awesome job and are able to help DS on the property ladder and jealousy that DS will own a home while he rents and has no prospects. Wow. Pathetic much?!

Probably hoping you two can have alternate Christmas with DS. Oh well

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