Constantly worried I have upset friend

[Sniffsnaffsnow]

As the title says.
If my close friend reads my WhatsApp message but doesnt reply straight away I can't help but think I've somehow upset her. She expects me and others to reply ASAP when she's messaged. Likewise if she calls me but I I miss the call and try to call back but she doesn't pick up/goes to voicemail then again I worry I've peed her off.

For some context:
We have a male mutual aquaintance who I chat to (and flirt with) on WhatsApp. I've never told her we chat or if I have I've said it's once in a blue moon type of thing. She would disapprove of the messaging/chatting (long story which is outting, but she didn't date him). I worry she's found out about it. I don't have to tell her I'm chatting to him.?

I'm going on a date, she wouldn't approve of the situation. I've not told her. It might just be 1 date with this guy, it still may not even happen. She would be angry I didn't tell her but I know she doesn't approve.

Am I overthinking things ? Or am I a shit friend ?

Why do you need her approval?

No. Your friend is a shit friend. Don't have anyone in your life who causes you this level of anxiety.

Hope the date goes well!

This is not a friend

Not that you need to tell her everything but even if you did she wouldn't be happy for you. What's the point of being friends when you can't feel you can discuss parts of your personal life, keep her more of an acquaintance.

Why on earth are you this bothered about what your friend thinks? Why do you need her approval so much?

In a nutshell: you're not the shit friend, she is. Why do you tiptoe around her all the time, worrying whether you've upset her or not? That is not something you would ordinarily do with a friend. What positives does she add to your life, that you are prepared to bend over backwards all the time like this for her?

Have you watched Mean Girls?? 🤔

Why are you describing someone you seem scared of as a ‘close friend’?

this sounds kinda toxic. Why would she be upset with those things, and why is that your problem?

Why wouldn't she approve of the situation with this man you are going on a date with?

Is he married? I can't think of any other reason that I wouldn't approve of the 'situation' where a friend was going on a date.

This is not a nurturing or nourishing friendship.

Is this the type of friendship you saw your mum in when you were growing up?

This is not a friend, its someone who who constantly judges you and whatever you do will never be good enough.

Pull yourself away from this friendship.

I have/had a similar really good friend. We are no longer in contact. I miss the good stuff (we could laugh ourselves silly over nothing). But I feel so ridiculously free. I didn't realise how much I fell into line to meet her approval, even stupid stuff like not commenting on posts on social media. I know some of the issue is my confidence. I am happier. I also missed how much fun I have with others friends.

Don't have anyone in your life who causes you this level of anxiety.

This, basically.

You're using so much headspace and energy on someone who isn't making your life better or making you happier than you would be without the anxiety they cause.

We all grow apart from people and part of adulting is acknowledging to ourselves that it's happened, backing off and moving on.