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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friendship or does he see it as more?

10 replies

Obsequious123 · 09/10/2021 17:01

Please bear with me, I have autism and find it hard to read social behaviour, particularly when it’s romantically driven (emotion based). I’ve always found a colleague attractive but am so unsure if it’s reciprocated. I went to an event he was at last night and he spent the whole night chatting to me and when he was on stage, he kept looking at smiling at me. We chatted and laughed lots about work stuff and at the end he insisted on walking me to a taxi. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He messaged me to see if I’d got home ok. During the night, he was complimentary of how young I look for my age, laughed at my shit jokes and said in meetings, we ought to have our own alternate chat going on on the side to identify the bull shit. Now, my question is, is this him liking me as a mate(great!) or liking me as something more (also great!). My anxiety is such that I can’t just ask him, but equally, I can’t guess whether he does or not as I struggle with social cues. Thanks!

OP posts:
purpleboy · 09/10/2021 17:42

Hi op, it's obviously hard to tell as I wasn't there, but it sounds like he likes you, the eye contact is what usually gives it away I think.
Would you have the courage to ask him out for a coffee? Or do you have a mutual interest you could ask to do with him?

JustAnother0ldMan · 09/10/2021 17:52

Sounds like he likes you as something more, as PP suggests, try asking him for coffee, if you work together can you use that as an vehicle to meet up ?

Obsequious123 · 09/10/2021 17:56

That’s a good shout. Just don’t want to look like a twat!

OP posts:
Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 09/10/2021 17:59

Set up your alternative chat now?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/10/2021 18:02

Let's flip this on its head. What's the absolute worst thing that could result from you saying "are you interested in being more than friends, because I can" and him saying "no"?

Obsequious123 · 09/10/2021 18:05

Having to work with him for the next 10 years?! I’d have to crawl up my own bum hole and die 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Fifilafrog · 09/10/2021 18:09

How about during that casual coffee you just happen to mention your difficulty with social cues (you could use a work scenario as an example) then leave it to him?

JustAnother0ldMan · 09/10/2021 19:57

@Obsequious123

Having to work with him for the next 10 years?! I’d have to crawl up my own bum hole and die 😂😂😂
Well, you don’t want to do that really.

If you invite him out on a work day / lunch kinda thing, you can make casual chat about his relationship status etc, if he is with someone then you can steer the conversation back to work, if not then just do what @Fifilafrog says and ask him if he interested?

TheFoundations · 09/10/2021 20:01

I think it's best to just keep spending time with him. If he's keen, and you don't actively hide your feelings, it'll all become clear in time.

If you struggle with cues, your ideal partner will be something who makes things clear in a way you understand, so if nothing comes of this, that's just your compatibility filter working.

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 09/10/2021 20:39

To be honest in my experience, if someone has liked me they have made it really clear. If I’ve had to question it or I wasn’t sure, they were not into me.
I would just keep doing what you are going and see if he says anything.
I know in this day and age it’s fine for women to make the first move but whenever I have done that, they haven’t been interested so now I’ll just leave it for them to make it super obvious.

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