Anyone else who's mother doesn't give a shit about them?

[CheeseTwists]

Feeling a little down in the dumps today as I approach my due date and face the fact I can't call on my mum for support, either practical or emotional.

She has her own issues but is overall disinterested in me unless she wants something. I've never felt loved or looked after even as a child which contributed to me having low self esteem and issues with relationships.

Other family members make excuses for her, but it's not them she has damaged.

Part of me will always be that child crying out for a mothers love and I feel pathetic for it.

Solidarity anybody?

Yes! I wish I could be put up for adoption at the age of 33. I come financially independent and toilet trained, so I don't see why some oldie wouldn't want to adopt me

But seriously I feel so broken by knowing what I'll never have

Yes
It took me years to cut her off for good
She enjoyed telling lies to get people angry with each other while she sat back and enjoyed the show.

I had left an abusive marriage and made the mistake of letting my 10 year old daughter at the time stay with her for a month while I got back on my feet.

She told my DD some cruel lies about me and her father which damaged DD and I relationship until I found out when my DD turned 18.

Cutting her off was the best thing I ever did.
She even attempted to stick it to us after she died, with her will.

I didn't go to her funeral.

Oh gosh I can relate to so much of what is written here, I so hope you have all gone on to heal the void that mothers like these leave you with - or are on the way to being able to.

Thank you for sharing what you have with me, it helps so much to know I'm not alone, not that I would wish this reality on anybody else.

I dealt with her shortcomings alot easier before I had my own children, like others have said it really does hit home how badly you were let down once you have your own small people to love and that love comes so easily.

I've found that throughout my adult life I've clung to less than ideal relationships and put up with alot of disrespect because I've been that scared of being alone and convinced myself that I'm not worthy, I've had such a low bar for relationships and I trace that all back to being pushed away and essentially abandoned by her.

I know it's not healthy to pin all of life's problems on her but your parents really do shape you don't they?

@toolazytothinkofausername

Yes! I wish I could be put up for adoption at the age of 33. I come financially independent and toilet trained, so I don't see why some oldie wouldn't want to adopt me

Do you know something, I really do wish that would happen for me too. I would love a kind older lady to take me under her wing and care about me and my DC

I don't suppose a 27 year old woman with more issues than vogue would be very appealing to anybody though

Another one here op.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I completely understand the comment about your mother and other family members. Like you, I have hardly any extended family and my mother has caused problems between me and one of my siblings. I have been estranged from my mother for quite some time now.

I have been fortunate to find an older lady who takes on the guiding/supporting role of mother. I am so thankful to have her in my life (and I am always willing to support her too).

I understand what you are saying about childcare arrangements. I had no-one to look after my dc when giving birth. I had a C-section and so was able to arrange childcare through a mixture of pre-school/after school care and a friend for an hour or so (didn't have many close friends at the time).

I try really hard to do the opposite of how I was parented. Not always easy and I have made a few blunders along the way but my dc are absolutely the focal point and main priority in my life.

I'm currently receiving therapy as I have a mental health condition linked to the way I was parented (abuse and neglect). I have a real issue around low self esteem and relationships - picking less than healthy ones or else being avoidant. The shame I have felt around all of this has been huge and is gradually being unpicked through therapy.

Wishing you all the best op. You are not alone.

I think mine cared. I just don't think she quite knew how to show it..

Completely get it. Having my DD just made me realise how awful she was. Spent my entire childhood snd until I had Dd trying to have a bond with her and not understanding it was her not me. The intensity of feelings I have for DD just makes me angry at her for not having it. I have replicated the same effort snd hard work in my relationships with men, always striving and working to be loved and accepted. But I have an amazing bond with my daughter. It is hard thou with all the societal expectations that all women have this cookie cutter relationships with their Mum. So I completely understand OP. Could you try to organise so friends etc to have your older DC while you are in giving birth. After my traumatic experience giving birth to DD if I was ever to do it again I would have a doula with me.

Having your own kids definitely brings it all home

I've just had my mum's sister on the phone reducing me to tears by going off on a tangent and telling me I expect too much from her.

The funny thing is I expect nothing in general and haven't for a long time, I just hoped and so asked if she would sit at my house for a few hours with the kids when I go in to have my baby so DP can be with me.

That's far too much to ask of the woman who gave birth to me apparently and instead of just saying no she doesn't want to she goes whinging to her sister about my high expectations so I get it in the neck from her. Insult on top of injury.

I've resigned myself to the fact I'll be on my own now, it's sad and it's a shame but it is what it is. I don't have any friends locally to help and DP's family are much the same as mine.

Is a doula something you have looked at? Or would you try a professional baby sitting service?

Screen your calls don't take phone calls from people who have nothing better to do than give you a hard time. Ridiculous when you are heavily pregnant.

My own mother did the same when I was almost at my due date she got into a state about how poor her relationship would be with my baby. She didn't come to the baby shower. Then recruited other family members to give me a hard time.

dH and you are just gonna have to build a strong network of friends etc around you xx