Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help - something weird on phone

28 replies

Textasandpens · 09/10/2021 01:19

NC for this .
Ok I know it was wrong but I looked at my husbands phone . He had been behaving very distant for some time , very little interest in sex. Disconnected , that type of thing . Unless I approach him to hug him not touching me for a few days wouldn’t be uncommon . We’ve been married 20 years so maybe that’s normal ?
Initially I put it down to work cause he spends a lot of time working ( own business ) but I have asked him several times what’s going on and he is just still very distant , says he’s just busy , blames the dwindling sex on me or that he’s tired . Ok fair enough , but I just had this strong feeling something was off . I know some will tell me I should leave because I don’t trust him , yes I know, but I just felt it was a complete roadblock and I let my frustration get the better of me
Anyway he has a few days ago got a local brothel in his searches . It just says ‘viewed ‘ . I really have no idea what to think
I asked him about it , so yea now he knows I looked at his phone , and he just says he has no idea how it got there and I just have to believe him.
Has anyone experienced something similar . I’m feeling pretty crappy and stressed .

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 09/10/2021 01:23

I 'd be upset too, OP. I don't really have any advice, other than trust your instincts. At the very least it warrants a proper conversation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this Flowers

QueenBee52 · 09/10/2021 01:35

It's there because he searched for it ...

starrynight21 · 09/10/2021 01:53

Places like brothels don't just come up at random - he has to have been looking at such places . You do have a DH problem, I'd be keeping a look out for other clues.

Original poster
Textasandpens · 09/10/2021 02:06

@QueenBee52

It's there because he searched for it ...
That’s the part I’m confused about too . I’m hoping someone who’s more tech savvy might know . It came up in the search history but with the word viewed in front of it . Some of the search results said searched and some said viewed I wondered if maybe he was on another site and saw the link then clicked into it , but I just don’t know . It was a brothel about thirty to forty minutes from our home but is one of the few that seem open in our area atm .
OP posts:
Kk789 · 09/10/2021 02:35

OP, with all due respect, he is taking you for a fool by saying he doesn't know how it got there and you are believing the most unbelievable lie possible.

QueenBee52 · 09/10/2021 02:55

So.....

He expects You to believe...

that he did not search for a brothel.. which just happens to be approx 40 mins from your home residence ...

are you serious OP ? Im sorry .. can't you see he is gas lighting you ..,🌸

Sexytimeusername · 09/10/2021 03:51

He's massively mugging you off expecting you to believe that steaming pile of crap. The only way something could unknowingly get in his search history is if he lent his phone to someone else. Someone who was in such burning need of a brothel that they used a borrowed phone to do so... 🤔

Actually maybe suggest that, and see if he jumps at the idea. Bet he does. Phrase it like "would you ever lend your phone to anyone" and wait for him to say no, then say "because that's the only way someone else's searches would be in your history" and watch him do an abrupt u-turn.

Small consolation: there is a huge number of men who research brothels and escorts but never get the balls to go through with it. Its the bane of our fucking lives in fact.

You know deep down. He's been off with you for weeks.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2021 04:01

Please don't fall for his gaslighting bullshit. It's in his history because he searched for it. Does that mean he's visited it in person? Not necessarily, so only you can decide how you're going to handle this.

HayzCo · 09/10/2021 04:05

you’ve found what you knew was there really, an explanation for his behaviour. Don’t let him treat you like this.

What will you do if/when he admits to sleeping with prostitutes? Worth thinking about because you should be in control of what happens next, not him

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2021 04:12

Given his search history and his recent behavioural changes, I would be concerned about STI's. If he is cheating and you are still having sex, he could be putting you at risk.

Marineboy67 · 09/10/2021 08:55

Absolutely what everyone is saying. You don't get brothels popping up on your phone or laptop. Google doesn't target you with this sort of content unless your researching it to start with.
If I'm looking up on tools or musical instruments pop ups and ads appear on facebook but definitely no brothels. He's mugging you off...

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/10/2021 09:09

Google doesn't target you with this sort of content unless your researching it to start with.

Google doesn't target with any sex work content, ever, no matter what you've been searching. They simply don't allow sex workers or brothels to advertise with them.

I also view porn sites quite a lot and I know a lot about how their advertising works. They don't allow brothels to advertise. I never seen a brothel squeak through, even before FOSTA and the demise of Backpage.

bathsh3ba · 09/10/2021 09:35

That's exactly the line my ex husband gave me. He also 'must have been hacked' when an account with his photos magically appeared on a sex personals site linked to his email. Once he knew I had checked up on him, the line became that he was testing to see if I was checking up on him.

He still denies he ever cheated and this was 8 years ago now. I left him anyway.

He is lying. Your choice if you stay or go.

GreyCarpet · 09/10/2021 10:09

Check your own search history, OP.

Because I'm guessing you're only going to find things you've actually searched for in your search history.
.
I have no idea about the searched/viewed distinctions but I'd hazard a guess that searched means you typed those words into the search engine, clicked go and got results on those searches whereas viewed means you clicked on to that page and viewed the website.

I don't think it means 'viewed' in the way that you'll view a car passing by your window - it has just happened in front of you without your engagement.

Viewed in Internet terms means you engaged with it.

MarshmallowSwede · 09/10/2021 10:28

Searched means he searched for the term but not necessarily viewed that site.

Viewed means he actually viewed the website of that brothel.

And websites just don’t pop up in your “viewed “ history unless you actually visit the site. So he did in fact visit the brothel website.

Raychelle · 09/10/2021 10:52

He’s not being truthful, he’s been on that website. I’d have kept quiet and gathered more evidence. See if he visits again or any other signs etc.

Doesnt mean he’s actually ‘booked’ anything, but he’s been looking for sure.

NCFC4now · 09/10/2021 11:03

Are you talking about search history in Google Chrome? What browser and I’ll know from a tech perspective

Original poster
Textasandpens · 09/10/2021 11:11

@NCFC4now

Are you talking about search history in Google Chrome? What browser and I’ll know from a tech perspective
Yes chrome . It’s the only thing showing up of that nature and it’s in amongst news and other normal searches
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/10/2021 11:14

Does it tell you the date and time of the search?

Original poster
Textasandpens · 09/10/2021 11:30

Thanks everyone I know it’s true , and I’m not buying what he’s saying . Just very stressed right now

OP posts:
Original poster
Textasandpens · 09/10/2021 11:31

@hollowtalk , Yes , I think at the time he was in the other room but cannot be sure

OP posts:
Bellyups · 09/10/2021 11:37

He’s an absolute mug…and he obviously thinks you are too

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 09/10/2021 11:37

There’s no way it would have been in his search history if he hasn’t looked for it.
The advice I would give is to play the long game. Let him think you believe his shit excuse. Meanwhile you gather more evidence. He will get a lot more careful now he knows you’re onto him though. Can you afford a private detective? Next time he says he will be working late/playing tennis/whatever, I would park near this brothel and wait and see if he turns up.

NCFC4now · 09/10/2021 14:06

OK so chrome is straight forward. When you do a google search, you can also click on an item and it will remind you you did it. Google runs different versions of a browser for everyone to test (A/B testing) so not everyone has the exact same thing happen. I do. If it is “viewed” it 100% means he clicked on it. There is no doubt.

However, clicking on something doesn’t mean you’re guilty of something else.

You can view what he has been on if you know his username and password / on his chrome device go on “my activity” just type it in the URL. It will show time, device and location of the search.

QueenBee52 · 09/10/2021 14:15

@Textasandpens

Thanks everyone I know it’s true , and I’m not buying what he’s saying . Just very stressed right now

of course you are ... its a dreadful shock for you.. take your time and be kind to yourself... decide what to do and what is best for you ... 🌸