What should I do?

[Silvercarpet]

I have previous threads on here regarding a long relationship I have been in and still all these months on am still in the same position, holding on for a man I love in the hope things will change. I have since been put on tablets for crippling anxiety and have lost so much weight from the stress of our “relationship” or whatever he chooses it to b given his current mood. I won’t go into that side of things so much but I have been 100% faithful in our whole 10+ years together, never even so much as look at another man in any way. Until recently, I don’t know if it’s because of situation I’m in or because he seems to take an interest and make conversation with me as Iv not had that for so long but I feel like there’s a connection there. Isit because of the way I feel in myself because of my current and ongoing relationship with a narcissist? Or do I act on it is it a sign or what? I’m so confused by it. This guy has been doing work on my house, I know he’s single and for some u known reason Iv found myself opening up to him and having conversations with him where I just felt like we have clicked. There’s not been anything suggestive said of any of sort but is it in my head? Do I act on it? I’m so confused! I have never looked at another man before and although I have been separated from my current partner for 10 months something is niggling at me and I can’t get it out of my head. Y am I feeling like this? Iv never felt this way before

Part of me thinks you might not have your boundaries in the right place to be thinking if dating right now and that you should get the last asshole fully out of your life and sort yourself out before dating again.

But that being said, if he seems a nice bloke, then what's the harm in asking him if he would like to grab dinner with you some time?

Just be sure you are on your guard about spotting narcissists in dating as often when we get rid of one, another can pop up.

Annnd maybe let him finish the work on your house first.

I’m not even thinking about a relationship. I’m still in love with my “partner” and wouldn’t want to confuse matters. I’m just confused by the situation. Iv felt myself getting stronger about my current situation and on the verge of walking away even though I know I should have done long ago, but u can’t control love can you. It’s just strange this whole thing with this bloke that I don’t even know, just normal everyday chit chat, the sort of chats that u would have everyday with people but for some reason I can’t seem to get him off my mind and I don’t know what that means. It’s confusing the hell out of me

Why is it confusing though? People can like more than one person at the same time.

I think you maybe have a habit of romantisising op. Your 'partner' is an asshole and it sounds like you have a trauma bond to him and are calling it love.

And rather than actually loving yourself and putting your big girl pants on and leaving him, you are staying and being a masochist.

And now a guy has shown up who you fancy and you're thinking its some sort of fate or it has some sort of meaning.

It's time to take the lead in your own story op and start choosing yourself over these men who will never live up to whatever fantasy you have for them.

You fancy someone else, that's great! It doesn't mean anything though.

But at least maybe it shows you that you could actually love someone else. Instead of remaining in this sad trauma bonded situation forever.

I get what ur saying. My “relationship” is a mess. I know I shouldn’t b with him, I know what he’s doing to me and I know what I’m doing to myself by staying but I’m so stuck with the thoughts of how things used to b and I just can’t drag myself away, although since being put on tablets for my anxiety I do feel stronger than I have done in a long time so that’s a good thing right? If only things could work out how u want them to.
And I get what ur saying also about liking more than one person but in the whole 10+ past years Iv not so much as even looked at someone else in any way. I dont even know if I fancy this other guy and like I say there’s not been any suggestive talk or anything I just find it confusing that he’s so stuck in my mind and I’m trying to find a reason behind it

Don’t confuse your feelings. If your partner was saying this about another person I’m sure you would be very hurt. This is how affairs start and some people rewrite history saying their relationship was awful etc to justify their behaviour. If you are not right with your partner you should finish it regardless of the new man. Be careful that the new man is not a player. It would all have been for nothing.

Maybe it just makes you feel free to be able to have an easy conversation with a guy without it involving stress or drama. And part of you is thinking 'ah this is refreshing, this is how life should be'

but u can’t control love can you

You can't control your feelings but you can control how you choose to respond to them.

Your relationship with your current partner isn't fulfilling, satisfying, rewarding, or healthy for you, so I can't understand why you're confused by the fact that you're looking elsewhere.

Self respecting people walk away from those they love if they recognise that he relationship is not healthy. What stops you?

I can assure you, under no circumstances would I cheat on anyone regardless of the situation. Nor would I leap over the fence in the hope that the grass is greener.

I’m just confused by this as Iv never had thoughts about anyone else before. And it’s not necessarily in a sexual way or anything like that it’s just that he’s on my mind and I’m trying to figure out why