Feel like a placeholder

[Chippywippy]

So me and boyfriend first started dating two and a half years ago. I was moving for a job and we both just wanted something casual. We kept in touch here and there, had each other on social media and I noticed he had a girlfriend. Their relationship seemed happy he seemed head over heels and like a completely different guy. All lovely then they broke up.

I moved back home and we started talking again, we slowly came around to the idea of us being together. We do get on really well and it’s been about 6 months, he’s very affectionate but I just feel like something is missing about the way he feels about me. He doesn’t really TELL me, he’s said stuff like I make his day’s special but nothing about me. He said I love you after and argument and now if I said I love you. He says love you. It sounds petty but I have nothing else to go on so what I do get I over analyse. The thing is I saw how he was with this past girl, he even wrote her poems ffs, so I can’t help comparing and it just leaves me feeling so awful. Should I just ask him how he actually feels or should I leave because I would know

It doesn't sound great does it?

In your shoes, I'd walk away tbh. It wouldn't matter so much if he was making you happy but it doesn't sound like he is.

If you feel like a placeholder and don't want to feel like a placeholder then walk away.

Because it's been casual before, perhaps he's finding it hard to transition it to something serious, you can either wait it out for a few months to see if he feelings grow more or decide that isn't good enough and go back to being friends.

It doesn’t sound great and I really do love him so it’s painful to feel like I’m not good enough.

Don't see it like you're not good enough when him being emotionally cold isn't good enough for you.

Well if you keep thinking like this then you'll destroy the relationship in your own mind, regardless of what his feelings are.

You're six months in and he tells you he loves you and you make his day special. What more reassurance do you need? Putting loved up poems on social media sounds like love bombing.

He didn’t put the poems up I was nosey and she put up a card she got from him. I was surprised because he never seemed like that. Obviously I didn’t know him then.

I don’t know maybe I’m picking at things but I don’t feel like I’m being overly insecure. I can’t help but compare our relationship to theirs.

OP, honestly he sounds lovely - who doesn't want to be told they make someone's day special!

Comparison is the thief of joy, you've only been together 6 months, which isn't that long at all. If anything, I'd be concerned if he was writing you huge poems in cards at this stage!

As long as he treats you kindly and with respect it sounds like there's really good potential here. You don't know if she nagged him for those cards and he hated writing them, if he'd googled "romantic things to put in cards" and copied a poem, or if he just thought he was suddenly the next Chaucer. Whatever reason he did it, it didn't make their relationship last did it? They broke up. Don't compare what you have now, to what he had previously - especially when what he had previously clearly didn't work.

He’s treating you as an individual. There’s nothing special about a boyfriend doing something for you, that he did for all his other girlfriends, is there? That just means he’s found a formula and sticks with it.

He’s said he loves you and you make his day special. What should he be saying? Perhaps you need to tell him what you want from him, rather than expecting him to guess it, because he probably thinks that saying you make his day special and he loves you is perfect.

@Chippywippy

It doesn’t sound great and I really do love him so it’s painful to feel like I’m not good enough.

But your whole post is about how he doesn't meet your needs.

@Chippywippy

It doesn’t sound great and I really do love him so it’s painful to feel like I’m not good enough.

All the more reason to get out.

You’re a rebound and that’s what your gut is telling you

I'm with the posters who think that if you feel insecure and a placeholder, then you probably are.

I've read on the relationship board some great advice, that is that if a man likes/loves you, then you know.
If he doesn't, then you second guess because obviously we don't want to feel that we aren't special and we hope that it's not true, but 6 months in you should feel amazing not shit.