Should I feel guilty

[gymandgin]

Ex partner broke up with me completely out of the blue 6 weeks ago. We had been together 4 years.

We have a house together but no kids, weren't married.

His decision came as a shock to me but he said he'd been thinking about it for ages. Ive spend the last 6 weeks feeling very sad and sorry for myself, whilst I feel like he is fine (as he has been thinking about it for so long!)

About a week ago I downloaded tinder, out of boredom and also to reassure myself there are other men out there who aren't all complete losers.

Been chatting to a few, is nice, takes my mind off things - basically a distraction.

One has asked to meet for a drink - what do I do?!
We seem to have a lot in common, and I think we'd get on well. However I am nowhere near over my ex, obviously. Part of me wants to meet tinder guy, just for something to do, and some company and conversation, and might make me feel better. Other part of me feels scared, guilty (what if ex bumps into us) and worried about leading him on. But then he might be in a similar position, you never know!

I need some advice please!!

Go for a drink.

It's not marriage. It's not a commitment. It's a drink with someone you've been chatting to akd getting on with.

So what if your ex sees you? He ended it!

You can say you're not ready for a relationship. When I did online dating, I met loads of men for drinks. The vast majority of them I didn't see twice.

Just go and enjoy yourself.

Go for a drink, it'll help you to stop dwelling on the break up.

go for the drink, you may end up meeting a good friend

It's a drink, not a lifetime commitment. Going on a date isn't leading someone on; it's meeting them to see if you might like to meet them again. Leading someone on is about promising things then not following through. What do you think a date promises?

I think if you were ready for dating, you wouldn't be posting this. Why do you need reassurance that there are other men out there? There just are; conceptually, that can't not be a thing.

I wonder why you're so reliant on the idea of dating/men being available? What's up with being on your own for a bit, then having a look at who's available when you're available? If you were ready you wouldn't be worried about leading someone on; if you're no ready, today's availability doesn't say anything about tomorrow's availability.

I do think it’s very soon but some people move on quickly

They say the best way to get over a man is to get under another.

But personally I've been single for a while and enjoying it. It's good to learn to be content with your own company rather than seeking others out of loneliness etc.

The knee jerk reaction is to say just go, its only a drink. But actually, no.

In your situation I would say 'I've enjoyed chatting to you this past while but I actually just split up with a longterm partner a few weeks ago and I dont feel ready to date. I would love to take your number though and once I'm feeling past things maybe we can grab a coffee if you are still free?'

Then to take the time you need to process your break up and find yourself again. Otherwise you'll just jump into something you aren't ready for yet and it's a bad l cycle to get into.