Leaving my Husband??

[Honeypot1980]

I am thinking of leaving my husband today. My husband is a good man, a good dad and a hard worker but sometimes he is just so full of anger.

I have a 15 year old son (DH's step-son) we have been together since he was 3 and we also have a 10 year old son together. The 15 year old can be challenging as most teens are but I feel that my husband is overly strict and never off his back.

Last night things came to a head as my son was on a telephone call after his cut off time (when his little brother was in bed) On a school night we say phone off at 11 but no calls after 9:30 as he can be very loud when his brother is trying to sleep.

When DH heard him he went full on crazy at 9:45 last night - he barged into DS room screaming for him to get off the phone, DS was on the phone with a girl and we could hear her laughing and my son was so embarrassed. I tried to defuse the situation by explaining to my son why the rules were in place and to explain to the girl at school today the reason why but my husband went crazy, said I undermined him, I am selfish and run at me very aggressively, poked me in the face and screamed in my face. He didn't come to bed last night and has left for work this morning before any of us were up.

This is a whole new level of anger and over nothing at all, the kids have said they think that he is "angry all the time" DS1 has said he is considering moving to his dads as he feels he cant breath the wrong way in this house.

I think its time to put my kids first, I am considering booking into a hotel for the weekend to give me time to think. I know he wont leave so it needs to be me, he is never sorry as he always says he does nothing wrong.

DS1 not at school today as he is so upset over what happened last night, I dont want them to feel like this.

He sounds controlling and angry getting that worked up over a phone rule infraction that can be dealt with simply and easily it sounds like he's ready to put the teen and the op in front of the firing squad for it

Hi op how are you x

Hi all

Firstly thank you so much for all the replies and advice offered. I left for the weekend and after many pleading phone calls and text messages I returned home yesterday.

However I really wish I hadnt bothered, I dont feel anything has been resolved. He has apologised for his behaviour, says he over reacted and he knows he is "fiery"

He has apologised to the kids but as for me... I cant help but feel that it is all my fault in his eyes.

There is never a heartfelt apology from him, I get a quick sorry followed up with "but you do X Y & Z too"

Apparently my "overspending" is causing him to be anxious. Yes I am a splurger, I admit that but we aren't in any debt, we just dont have a huge amount of savings that we have for our disposable income in his eyes.

I lost my dad 2 days before Christmas and have been over spending perhaps as a coping mechanism, I shared this with him last night and "I always have an excuse"

I feel like hitting my head against a brick wall, he keeps asking me what I want and I cant answer him. I dont want to put my kids through this and they have accepted his apology and think life is all rosy again!

He only pretended to be nice so he could get you back home. You likely as well got ground down by his incessant calling too. He has now reverted to type I.e abusive and with no remorse for what he has done. Life is rosy for them and for now, until it is not. He will start on them again soon enough, he is showing them too the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one.

I would push ahead with any and all plans to divorce him using the services too that have been mentioned in previous posts. There is really no other option going forward.

Like practically all abusers as well he is blaming you Snd or others making you feel accountable or otherwise responsible for his behaviour. In his eyes it’s never his fault, only yours. Such men too hate women, all of them.

Sorry isn’t going to cut it this time. This will happen again and now you’re all treading on eggshells. He’s still made it your fault. Ask him to move out for a trial separation. If he truly cares then he will do that to give you the space you all need

......this is the classic abuse cycle.....wash, rinse, repeat. Sadly, this will all happen again and your children will become further damaged by both of you.

With the 'overspending'....do you work?

He apologised to get you back, now he’s blaming you.
Please contact a solicitor and find out what you would get, even if you don’t go through with it this time.
I feel very sorry for your oldest.

@itsgoodtobehome

With the 'overspending'....do you work?

Yes... two jobs and I bring in £400 a month less than him.

Adding my name to the list who are recommending Women's Aid. They will understand exactly what you are going through, Honeypot, and will have heaps of advice and help for you. They will not make you do anything you're not ready to, they're just there to support you.

Your husband's behaviour will never improve. As you've seen he can manage to seem better for a short while, but he will always revert to type. And more than likely get worse.

The irony of him saying "you always have an excuse"! He is coming out with a lot of excuses of his own as to why it's "ok" to abuse you and the kids.

Truth is, it's never ok. The longer you stay with him damage is being done to your kids OP.