I’m Heartbroken

Charlotte19872006 · 2021-10-08T07:46:58+00:00

I’ve never done this before but feel like I need advice. Im 34 I have a 15 year old boy 11 year old girl and a baby girl she’s 3 months. I have been with my partner since I was 15 yrs old we have been through a lot together over the years but got through it, just about! He’s left me because he says we don’t get on anymore and im so heartbroken im constantly crying not hungry and honestly my heart feels like it actually hurts. Im txing him all the time really horrible things about our relationship and the way he has treated me because im so so angry but im so heart broken. I feel gutted that this time should be happy with my new baby girl but it’s not and im just so sad. How on earth do you fix a broken heart? I’ve put so much effort in to this relationship and I feel like he has no respect for me. I just want to smile and feel happy again 😞

Alonghairinapie · 08/10/2021 09:11

Ohh it’s a cliche but it’s all about time and acceptance. It’s normal to feel how you feel right now, he’s been a huge part and is a huge part of your life! Even if a split is expected it’s really hard as your lives are so intertwined after being together for that amount of time. Was it out of the blue?

Whatabambam · 08/10/2021 09:15

Give yourself time to grieve, this is a huge life changing event and it's normal to feel like a washing machine on full cycle with different emotions spinning around. Call on your family and friends. You will get through this, whatever the outcome might be.

ILoveShula · 08/10/2021 09:16

Block his number for now as texting him and phoning him will only alienate him.

Try to eat something or have a milky drink or something.

Get a friend or relative to come round and be with you.
[HUGS]

Alonghairinapie · 08/10/2021 09:22

Don’t text him or anything unless about kids (unless you can do that through a relative?) it won’t make you feel better, he won’t give you any answers, he will either shut down or say horrible stuff in my experience.

Focus totally on you right now, you’re going to need to keep eating small things and stay hydrated. Nap if able and ask for family/friends help.

Original poster

charlotte19872006 · 08/10/2021 10:05

@Alonghairinapie

Ohh it’s a cliche but it’s all about time and acceptance. It’s normal to feel how you feel right now, he’s been a huge part and is a huge part of your life! Even if a split is expected it’s really hard as your lives are so intertwined after being together for that amount of time. Was it out of the blue?

I felt like something was going to happen because he wasn't happy with us and was changing from the day we came home from hospital with our new baby, He took a lot out on me and says it because he had he's own issues. I'm just so angry how can I ever forgive him? I just want to stop thinking about him and everything that's happened,

OP posts:

mistermagpie · 08/10/2021 10:10

Can I ask, did he want this baby? Either way, there is a big gap between your other two kids and this one and it's very early days with a newborn - he might be having a massive wobble about it all? Not to say that excuses his behaviour but it might be the cause of it and he might come to his senses.

Whether you would forgive him is another matter obviously. I probably couldn't...

It's really shit to walk out on someone with a newborn, especially for no other reason than you're not getting on. Lots of relationships struggle in those early baby days and people don't just walk out and literally leave the other person holding the baby.

Stop texting him and leave him to stew, he doesn't deserve any contact from you.

Original poster

Charlotte19872006 · 08/10/2021 10:23

@mistermagpie

Can I ask, did he want this baby? Either way, there is a big gap between your other two kids and this one and it's very early days with a newborn - he might be having a massive wobble about it all? Not to say that excuses his behaviour but it might be the cause of it and he might come to his senses.

Whether you would forgive him is another matter obviously. I probably couldn't...

It's really shit to walk out on someone with a newborn, especially for no other reason than you're not getting on. Lots of relationships struggle in those early baby days and people don't just walk out and literally leave the other person holding the baby.

Stop texting him and leave him to stew, he doesn't deserve any contact from you.

He left me when I was pregnant with our first son because he wasn't planned and he didn't want a baby so we didn't speak but I was so young and lived with my mum so she got me through it and I was actually really happy and strong then we got back together when he was 6 weeks old Then he wanted our daughter so he was good then the new one I've wanted for 10 years and he agreed and said all the right things so I thought we are older now we can both enjoy this baby But he's been horrible since we had her. Turning all the lights off because he wants to go to sleep and I'm standing in the hallway in the pitch black holding a new born trying to settle her. That's just a little thing he's done. He's now decided he has issues and that's why he hasn't treated me good.

OP posts:

Original poster

Charlotte19872006 · 08/10/2021 12:08

@Alonghairinapie

Don’t text him or anything unless about kids (unless you can do that through a relative?) it won’t make you feel better, he won’t give you any answers, he will either shut down or say horrible stuff in my experience.

Focus totally on you right now, you’re going to need to keep eating small things and stay hydrated. Nap if able and ask for family/friends help.

Thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

Charlotte19872006 · 09/10/2021 00:33

@Alonghairinapie

Don’t text him or anything unless about kids (unless you can do that through a relative?) it won’t make you feel better, he won’t give you any answers, he will either shut down or say horrible stuff in my experience.

Focus totally on you right now, you’re going to need to keep eating small things and stay hydrated. Nap if able and ask for family/friends help.

Thank you xx

OP posts:

evrey · 09/10/2021 08:17

It's hard isn't it. The feelings of rejection you had when he walked out during your first pregnancy are probably resurfacing also, as essentially it feels like rejection of another child.
I'm in the same sort of situation only a couple of months in.
Read the 180 method either on here or on Google, it's been my go to.
Although this feels like the end of the world, I promise you it isn't .
Take time, be kind to yourself, try to eat, even if it is the odd bit of toast here and there to begin with. These feelings will pass.

Yummypumpkin · 09/10/2021 08:42

To abandon a pregnant woman or new mother not once but twice...is a seriously selfish, horrible person.

This must be your only relationship. The sense of loss must be intense.

Over time and maybe quite quickly you will come to see him for what he is.

You need to absolutely minimise all contact with him so you can focus on yourself. And do try and spend time with family and friends.

Original poster

Charlotte19872006 · 09/10/2021 13:11

@evrey

It's hard isn't it. The feelings of rejection you had when he walked out during your first pregnancy are probably resurfacing also, as essentially it feels like rejection of another child. I'm in the same sort of situation only a couple of months in. Read the 180 method either on here or on Google, it's been my go to. Although this feels like the end of the world, I promise you it isn't . Take time, be kind to yourself, try to eat, even if it is the odd bit of toast here and there to begin with. These feelings will pass.

Thank you I have been reading the 180 method, at the moment I'm still so heartbroken and shocked so I txd a lot last night and sobbed in bed told myself I'm done I can't do this to myself, Then this morning I miss him and I just want him to say all the right things but he's not. Now I'm angry with myself for txing I feel so weak because I just can't stop thinking about him. All these years and he just says He needed a break he didn't no what he wanted 💔

OP posts: