I know I'm probably being daft but........

[Imarriedaviking]

Found out that ex narc partner, has remarried.
Not a problem but, was has upset me is the fact that two family members ( not blood related) have been sending him congratulatory messages.
I feel so let down by them, as if they're condoning his vile behaviour towards me.
I don't wish to exaggerate , it's a long story, starting with coercive control but I'm lucky to be alive.
Moved in with him after two years, during that time he was so lovely ( didn't notice any red flags)
The day I moved in it was like he went from Jekyll to Hyde.
My son died and he hid his ashes saying he would dispose of them !

Aibu to feel hurt by this?

His behaviour is unforgivable and if your relatives knew what he'd done with your son's ashes and are still friendly with them I wouldn't want anything to do with them. I'm so sorry you lost your son. 💐

I'd honestly cut them out of my life if they did that shit whilst knowing how he treated you. Or at the very least, I'd never look to them for support again.

Often we tolerate toxic people for longer than we should because we were raised around similarly toxic people. These family members may be said toxic people. But either way, you don't need people who undermine you like that in your life.

I wouldn't waste energy calling them out on it. I'd just step away from them.

And stop telling yourself your feelings are daft. They are not daft, they a perfectly valid. And even if they weren't, they are your feelings and you have every right to have them and no need to excuse them.

Abusers convince us we don't have the right to feel hurt. That is one of the multitude of ways they attempt break us down. And even long after they are gone we can still be prone to fall into that mindset that it's not OK for us to have feelings (o rather, boundaries or needs).

Might be worthwhile to get into the practice of telling yourself every day - 'my feelings matter and people who hurt them and don't care, do not belong in my life'.

HollowTalk. Thank you, did retrieve my sons ashes, after ex lifted me off the ground, screaming in my face.
Pinkbonbon, I have done so.

If these relatives know the details of what happened, then if I were you I'd distance myself from them (and be clear why if asked). But is it possible they don't know all the details, and just know you split and it was messy, and may have heard two sides to the story so have decided not to 'take sides'?

I completely understand why you're hurt by this.

layladomino.

They will not listen, was obviously all my fault, he was so charming towards them.
Even though I ended up in hospital after being thrown down a wooden staircase.
I blocked him everywhere, even changed car twice, now worried he may find out where I'm living.