Wtf is wrong with me - conflicted emotions left partner

[CalamariSprinkle]

I've NC.

I split from my partner a couple of months ago. He forced me and our son to leave the weekend gone. We both had said some nasty things. He refused me access to our joint property and told me I needed to give my keys back as this was no longer my home. I couldn't come and go as I pleased and he told me he couldn't trust me to not take things which didn't belong to me. Not that I would have.

Things have calmed down now thankfully which is good for our son.

I went over yesterday and he was trying to do his business admin which I normally do. He offered for me to do it again but for money this time. I said I'd think about it.

Today he is sitting down and doing it himself. I feel a real mix of emotions. I'm relieved he can do it. I'm annoyed he left me to do it all these years when he could. I'm strangely upset he doesn't "need" me and even more odd I can't help but think he won't be doing it to my standard (wtf!!). Technically it is none of my business any more (his actual business was nothing to do with me anyway!) but what is with these emotions. It's almost like being rejected. I thought I would feel nothing but relief as our relationship had turned toxic but I don't. I feel very confused and lost about why I feel like this. I almost wonder if I have made a mistake.

What were your reasons for leaving? I found writing them down helped me to remember I'd done the right thing and stopped my memory looking at things through rose tinted glasses!

Regardless of the reasons it will still hurt and separating is painful. Be kind to yourself, and take time to heal. Sending hugs

@Fairycake2 thanks for responding. It was many things ending it but ultimately I was not happy. He could be controlling and call me awful names. I wanted a better life for our son. But he is sitting pretty in our house. That hurts too.

He forced his own son out of his home?;what an absolute POS.Do you own it jointly?

I think you need legal advice. He sounds horrible and controlling and you need to get some control back. Find out where you stand and enforce it

What a bellwhiff.
Honestly I’ve had a similar situation with my ex. Run and don’t look back. He’s trying to use your emotions against you by showing you you were never number 1 to him and neither was your son.

He forced me to leave. Our son could stay with him but there was not a chance in hell I would have left without DS.

Yes owned 50/50 each.

I just feel so confused. I want to live in the house I pay for but I can't ever go back now. And my emotions surrounding him are just so messed up I've surprised myself.

Sounds like you made totally the right decision to leave if he verbally abuses you and was controlling.

Get your stuff, maybe with a friend or family member, then stop going back there and limit contact with him.

Start the wheels in motion for him to either buy you out or to force a sale of the house.

Thanks @category12
I just can't understand why I feel the way I do. It's almost like a knee jerk response that I need to hear from him when I've wished for so long to be left alone. Now I am I don't know how to respond. I feel used and discarded. Is this normal?

Yes, I think when a person leaves a controlling relationship, it's quite common to feel that way.

You just need to ride it out, it'll get better. You've done the right thing.

Thank you. It has helped. I'm doing my best not to message him. I guess the thing I need to accept is I'll never know what has gone on in his head.

A pros and cons list always helps me when a relationship ends - the co a list usually ends up longer than the pros list and that helps me keep my resolve right at the beginning when it's tempting to go back to someone who it's right for you.
After a month I'm over them, it's mostly habit I find!

You need legal advice.