Finding things hard with someone on my work team

[Lolabray]

I am finding things hard in my workplace. I’m generally a friendly conversational person who gets on well with others.

However there is (always 1) one girl who acts as if I am indifferent. When I try to engage in conversation or in group discussion there is always an argument back like her opinion is always right.

She also flits between people at work cuddling Certain colleagues (me never one)

I am in a lower paid different role but wonder if she is ‘choosing’ to ignore me.because I’m ‘underneath’ her . people have commented on her being rude in meetings/gaslighting so she is aware of her behaviour.

If she tries to goad me I try not to react but sometimes it is hard if my work is being criticised.

I’m really not sure where to go with this person. I’ve decided non engagement or little engagement is the best option.

I feel strange in the workplace and think about this outside of work when I have actually got better things to think about.

I’m unsure why a person would behave in such a way but see this as a facade. I wondered if anyone has any tips please ?

Could you try confiding in one of your colleagues about it? Tell them that it's bothering you and you're concerned why she is singling you out and being unkind. Hopefully you can get them on board and they can ensure you're involved / defend you when necessary, and generally let this person know their behaviour isn't on.

If you work for a larger organisation then consider talking to HR.

Often people like this have form - they've done it before - and HR or other colleagues may well have seen it all before.

And try not to rise to their underhand comments. Keep the moral hig ground. She may enjoy getting a rise out of you, so remove that power. That will also show that you've blameless in this if it ever gets more serious with HR.

@layladomino
Yes I have confided in others before and they watch my back. I now just want to focus on my work and not engage. I’ve tried previously and she has been very rude in the past. Other people have confided in me that they see through her. It’s almost like an act from the greatest showman when she’s in

It’s quite off putting when you are trying to work but I keep thinking
SHE WHO SHOUTS LOUDEST OFTEN HAS THE LEAST TO SAY…

Or "empty vessels make most noise" as my mum used to say.

Do you not have a line manager you can talk to? Taking the route of how your work is being affected and what do they suggest? (Easy for me to say though, as I 100% trust my line manager and I know from experience that isn't always the case!)

I don't understand what you mean by 'acts as if I am indifferent'. Do she mean it appears as though she's indifferent to you?

I have this at work but I’m in a very senior role and said person is quite a few grades beneath me. Gaslighting, bitchiness, just being plain rude, sniggering in meetings etc. Above me are no help, too afraid of her as she’s one of these ‘I JUST SAY IT HOW IT IS’ which is just code for ‘I’m a c**t’. I snapped when I was pregnant and severely unwell (and and out of hospital, physical and mental health issues). Might have told her to fuck off and leave me alone. Luckily nothing came of it and now I’m back off mat leave I can avoid her. I’m looking for a new job, who has time for the drama? Not me. I’ve seen she’s avoiding me too which is fine with me until I can find something else.

LetHimHaveIt

I don't understand what you mean by 'acts as if I am indifferent'. Do she mean it appears as though she's indifferent to you?

I mean it’s like I’m non existent.

Onelifeonly

Or "empty vessels make most noise" as my mum used to say.

Do you not have a line manager you can talk to? Taking the route of how your work is being affected and what do they suggest?

She’s best friends with the line manager who has called her out on being rude in meetings and basically a twat.. then goes on and says after I think I was well behaved today.. is this some kind of narcissist trait. I’m done with this person