Hi I'm new here.
A close friend of mine has recently confided in me that she is having an affair. I know both her and her husband. The affair started with a man who she used to date about 20 years ago, and the guy contacted her out of the blue on social media last year. Because of covid, she's only been able to see him once and when they met up face to face, despite saying she wasn't attracted to him, she went ahead and spent the weekend having sex - which she says was not a good experience. Despite lulling her into doing whatever he wanted, included things she hadn't tried before, he said he was tired, not at his best and on the last day they were to meet up, he left her alone in a hotel room all day, and she was totally distraught.
Despite this he talked her round and they continued to chat (they live in separate towns) and arranged another trip to meet. She told me of her uneasiness around this and a few days before she was due to leave, she texted him telling him he was terrible in bed, she didn't fancy him and they should end it. She said some other non complimentary things too.
It wasn't the first time she told him that she didn't feel it was working but each time he managed to talk her round, telling her he still wanted it to work and each time, despite huge rants from her, he wouldn't let her go. But the final message insulting his sexual performance seems to have ended it as he hasn't contacted her again. The trip didn't happen.
Now every single time I see her, and even on days when I don't, she talks about him incessantly, cries, texts me asking do I think he's thinking of her and turning every single thing I need to discuss, back to a discussion about him. I am trying my best but I have had my own problems recently and am finding it all very hard.
Most recently when I told her I am finally taking a holiday and going abroad, she wants me to post a letter from abroad to his partner, detailing the affair, saying she wants to 'ruin him'. Today I found out that she wants ME to do the handwriting and has bought gloves and stationary, asking me to post it from my location on holiday so they don't know who it came from.
She has asked me to create fake facebook profiles and send him messages and for some reason, is obsessed with asking 'what time was I last on what's app and messenger' because she feels by staying off, he will be watching wondering what she is doing etc. I must give her updates on her own social media performance at least 20 times a week.
She feels posting the letter will help her gain control back.
I don't want to turn my back on her and I feel I have been a good friend and more than patient, but I'm worried now for not only her mental health as she doesn't seem to recognise that what she said to him has ended it technically, but also because there are other people's lives involved in this and who knows whether he would call the police etc. I don't know what to do anymore. Added to the fact I'm starting to feel really sorry for her husband as I've seen how she speaks to him and treats him now and the poor sap has no idea. I lost my mother a while ago and don't have a huge support network and she seems to have it all, but still uses me as a sounding board, turning everything into something about this man she feels she is in love with, but wants to destroy.
I'm grateful for any advice, I've never experienced anything like this before and am not very good at saying no.
Thank you so much.