What’s the best way to leave my husband?

[Dejasue]

I’m F 50 my husband is M 49 we have a daughter 19 at uni and a son 16 at school

My husband flies into rages where he shouts at me for small things

I argue back and tell him it’s not acceptable, He will initially say it was me, I was “speaking to him like dirt” or “I know he’s stressed” Then next day he will “apologise” although it’s usually “I’m sorry but …. Im just so stressed/I was tired“ etc so I know in head head he is justifying it

Anyway with each of these episodes I like him less and less and I also like myself less and less.

It’s time to call it a day.
I want to separate before I hate him
It’s a big exam year for my son so I am debating waiting till then

Im not physically afraid of my husband

Money wise I earn a bit more than him now (about 10k) but he has a brilliant pension and I’ve moved jobs lots and don’t have a great pension, we’ve little savings, about £10k and equity of about £120k in our property

Im tempted to make plans and wait till after exams and not say anything to him.

Wwyd? Any advice?

Following as I'm in a similar situation

Poor you OP. To live with someone shouting at you and raging over small things. How horrible and upsetting.

What I would do. I think if your DS16 is taking exams in May and June 2022, it’s “only” 9 months along. If you can stick it for that amount of time I think it would be helpful for him.

However there is much you can do in the meantime to “get ready” so you can get things moving straight after. Legal advice obviously. The most important thing. I would see two solicitors, at least, before choosing one, if there are assets which it sounds like there are. You can get pro-active and sort stuff out behind the scenes. Organise your clothes etc. Just try and be “grey rock” as much as feasible. And get away - friends, weekends alone if necessary, take up walking or sport to get you out of the house, maybe separate beds or room if possible.

Alternatively, would your husband be prepared to move out without a fuss for the sake of your son’s 9 months at school left?

Either way, I would definitely get legal advice before pursuing any plan. Can’t stress that enough. Knowledge can really help you plan the best path.

I am married to someone exactly like this OP and it’s not fun

Update, he’s contrite and apologetic, but then said I “made him feel like a domestic abuser” I said his feelings are his own but I do consider it abusive, I’ve said we need separate rooms just now for a break as we are both tired and stressed and don’t want to be dealing with each other and perhaps say things out of exhaustion we might regret, he was saying in a sad voice “if that’s what you want” 😒 anyway we’ve agreed to do that and the absolute relief when I shut the bedroom door last night was immense. I’m sure this could be sorted, I just don’t know if I want to