Been with DH 10 years, 2 young children.
Over the course of our relationship he has taken me for granted, drank alcohol a lot, spent months at a time sleeping on the sofa, v defensive and unapproachable when I've wanted to have serious discussions.
Over the years my resentment has grown, and trust and faith has died.
I haven't fancied him for some time because of all of that and when we have had any sex it has been because I've felt I should, which obviously created a lot of resentment around sex too.
Just to balance it out he is also kind, funny, caring and warm. But obviously has struggled with his own issues throughout the years.
I ended things (or tried to) a few weeks ago. Since then he has done a total 180, changed everything. Has stopped drinking and smoking immediately, is v proactive around the house , attentive to my needs. He has been reflecting a lot and genuinely seems deeply sorry, and says he has now woken up and is so ashamed about how he has acted over the years. He is doing everything I have wanted him to do for to years.
Now the problem is I feel nothing. I emotionally checked out months ago and since vocalising that the relationship is over I feel complete apathy towards him.
I wish he'd made these changes a long time ago, it really does just feel too little too late and something has changed in me.
I feel so sad and like I should be appreciative and embrace all of these changes as it's all I've ever wanted.
I've promised him I'll give things till December , and have agreed to counselling. But honestly I feel like I'm just faking the whole thing.
I'm not going to magically feel in love with him again am I? Is it worse to carry on for these next few months, or just end it for good now? I feel so guilty whichever decision I choose.