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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am l not allowed to be ill?!?

29 replies

NorthSouthcatlady · 06/10/2021 09:41

I was feeling really unwell yesterday and still not great. Of course it was the 1st day of a new job, luckily from home and l put on an Oscar winning performance. Despite being sick at lunchtime and numerous bouts of diarrhoea throughout the day. Works finishes, l chased up a few legal things for an imminent round of IVF -a notary has to notorise some papers. At that point l downed tools as l am too sick, have a shower and want to get into bed.

I ask in passing about a TV we have been waiting to be repaired for nearly 3 months. Partner advises he doesn't know, l am confused as the last time we talked about it then we had discussed a deadline of yesterday and he was to contact the repair man. He's then starts shouting at me that l need to make a decision and do research, l literally said about 4 times l am ill. He wanted me to whip out my laptop or phone and start talking about which TV to buy. He then said l have to talk about it there and then or he isn't doing anything. I want to get in bed, he then starts shouting at me telling me not to take painkillers and a sleeping tablet. I ignored him, l felt ill and wanted to go to sleep. He is then annoyed about that!

The backstory is most of the time my partner is keen to say l am fine. I might say l am ill, feel ill etc but he says l am fine. Even when l ended up with a ruptured ovarian cyst a few years ago, then he likes to downplay it and expressed frustration at him missing work. Despite me crying, sobbing and moaning, saying l had never been so unwell.

Im still fuming and not feeling well. He left for work this morning acting like nothing was wrong. Personally l am sick of his attitude, l don't think he is team catlady and unhappy about basically not being "allowed" to be ill. Also l am sick of having to plan and drive most things forward.

OP posts:
dubyalass · 06/10/2021 19:12

You'd have thought my ex was dying from the performance he put on when he was ill. I looked after him, brought him food and drinks in bed, blah blah. But if I caught the bug after him, he would treat me with disdain and contempt.

I binned him off for various reasons but @Colourmeclear is spot on - if he lacks compassion, or is regularly unkind, just nope. Get out before you have kids.

Funnylittlefloozie · 06/10/2021 19:36

Definitely would put the IVF on hold, my love. This isn't the bloke you want to tie yourself to for the next twenty years.

I spent twenty-two years with a selfish man-baby who couldn't cope with me being ill. It was draining.

Harlequin1088 · 06/10/2021 19:41

My ex-husband used to do this. Became incandescent with rage whenever I was ill and used to scream at me in Polish (I don't speak Polish). Never could understand why.

Paq · 06/10/2021 20:10

He sounds awful.

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