To chose between the love of my life and the want for a better life for my child

[Slugnlettuce]

Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. Im a single mum to a 1.5yr old. His dad keeps letting me down not showing up saying hes sick or doesnt contact.for background info its just me and my son living in england we have no family here so without seeing his dad he has no one else but myself as i dont have a big friendship group either. I had this big plan to return to my home country however i unexpectedly fell in love with the kindest most amazing beautiful guy. We have only been dating 9 months and have both been to hell and back in past relationships and we truely get each other. He has his own ds and our two kids have not met yet however we have met them individually. He is divorced and lives back with his family who are extremly supportive with his son minding him while he works, generally having that loving family environment.
The problem is while i love this guy i feel as though i am depriving my own child of my own loving family back in my own country. I only stayed for him but now my sons dad no longer wants any contact nor his famoly ot breaksy heart that we are so isolated and i feel as though he needs a family around him. What can u advise in this situation. I genuinely dont feel i could ever feel this way or meet someone as special as this guy i have met yet i find myself craving this family life for my own child. Not sure what to do x

How far away is your home country? How expensive to visit? Covid has put up a massive barrier between families. It must be heartbreaking. But hopefully that won't always be the case?

Sorry for the typos i meant to say it breaks my heart that my ex or his family care about or now see ds

You start by saying your ex is unreliable and end by saying he no longer wants contact. How often does he see him? How does he feel about you and his baby moving to another country?

I think that’s much more of an issue than your boyfriend. As you say, 9 months isn’t that long. If the hell and back relationship you refer to was with your son’s dad then it’s all happening quite quickly. When did you and your ex split up?

You don’t need to make a decision now. Your son is so young. His dad would have to agree to letting him move abroad anyway.

What, apart from your boyfriend, can you go to improve your life where you are?

Do you have to make a decision now?
You have a solid year or two before your child starts school to see how things go with the new boyfriend.

However.

It's awful, as a parent having Christmas with just you and the kids.
It is so guilt inducing to know that birthdays are spent without extended family.
I feel I have deprived my kids. It is hard being torn between two countries.

I'd be selfish & decide what's best for both of you long term

Take a deep breath.

You're a loving mum who wants the best for her son and that ultimately is the key to giving him a great childhood regardless of what you decide. You're also entitled to choose something that makes you happy - please don't think this will be at the expense of your son.

Do you have a concrete plan or timeline to move back to your home country? Or has that not been sorted yet?

Your home country will still be there if you choose to move in a few years. I don't think there'd be anything wrong with putting your plans on hold for a bit.

Don't have to make the decision just yet, how about visiting your family for a holiday and see how you feel going back there.

I think you should have a holiday back in your home country with your family, maybe book for going home for Christmas ?

You don't need to decide whether to move back home permanently or not for a while yet, so give yourself some breathing room. (It might not even be an option if DC's Dad needs to sign a passport application anyway)

I am really sorry about your son's father and his family. Your son is young so you have time on your side in that he won't have to be in formal education for a few years and it may take some time to sort out the legalities with his dad if you still want to return to your home country. I think 9 months is a relatively short time, still the 'honeymoon' period and I think it's worth waiting to see how things continue. It's great that you relate through having similar (bad) experiences and hopefully there is a whole lot more positives that you share. Just keep your options open and try to be aware that things can change as your relationship develops.