Ex moving on, feeling so low

[xjusttired]

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up a year ago after 9 years together (both currently 23).

For the past year we haven't really cut contact, he has been begging for me back but I have wanted to be single. I have felt so much guilt throughout the year of hurting him.

Fast forward to around 3-4 weeks ago we completely cut contact as I wanted him to be able to move on without thinking of me.

Now I feel I've made the biggest mistake of my life, I have realised how much I adore him and can't believe I took him for granted and let him go. I've heard he's sleeping with someone else which is fine as he's single and can do what he wants. I just feel so incredibly low now. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for letting go of the love of my life.

Does anyone have any advice for me please? My heart hurts so much I'm in physical pain, please be nice

You were ‘together’ from 13-22? So, for the vast majority of this relationship, you were literal children?

Breaking up was the right thing to do, in my opinion. Keeping in contact complicated things, but now it’s hopefully done. It’s highly unlikely that the boy you held hands with aged 13 is your soulmate. Be sad, if that’s what you need. Fully experience your feelings. Then leave this person in your past and go live your life.

Jesus Christ. The harshness of some of these comments.

OP, he’s been by your side through major stages of your life. At school, leaving school, turning 18, and then into your early 20s. Of COURSE you’re going to grieve. And of course it’s going to get to you most at night.

Just because we break up with someone or don’t think we’re compatible or don’t think they’re good for us in an important way, it doesn’t mean there is no deep attachment or love there.

Heartbreak is damn painful. And it’s scary for you because you’re the one who ended it, so you also have to deal with feelings of doubt.

Trust in your decision, allow yourself to feel shit, and gradually bit by bit you will start to feel better. Look after yourself and definitely dive into all kinds of new things. Explore and see what you’re interested in, as your own person. Throw yourself into your freedom and that will be the perfect antidote to what you are feeling.

“I think you’re only just now dealing with the break up. You always had the option before of taking him back and now you don’t

What were your reasons for breaking it off?? I’m sure they are still valid.
Being single in your 20s is fantastic. It is a great time to learn about yourself, pursue career goals and really work out what you want from life. Take this opportunity.
Keeping busy will also mean that the hurt goes away faster. Set yourself some goals - that don’t involve men and try to achieve them.
Work out what you want out of a relationship
Focusing on yourself will make you happier in the long run than just going out and sleeping with the first person you meet. It takes time to grieve a relationship but that doesn’t mean you can’t use that time productively.”

This with bells on.

FWIW OP, even before your update, I thought you had made a very mature decision. Even more so since reading your update. It can’t have been easy standing by your decision when he was trying to talk you round. First love is a very powerful thing, especially when it’s so long-lasting and some first loves last forever but most don’t and there are good reasons for that.

Of course this is a huge shock but you will be fine, OP, and now is a terrific time for you to experience life as a single adult for a while.

Onwards and upwards, OP.