Hi everyone! My story is little bit complicated so maybe i am searching for advice ...
We started online before the pandemic. At first I was not interested but he was so “addicted” to me. After 3 months he wanted to come to my country but he could not because of covid. During quarantine we became closer. Texting, calling every day for hours, gift exchange -3,4 times, cooking, watching movies, eating, laughing together. We continued with all that for days, months, more than year… and one day I realized i love this person.
When we had argue for the first time he said that he usually blocks the person because he is sure that the same fight will happen again. Every time we argue he will just stop talking with me for 2, 3 days because i am “bad” and after that everything will be amazing like at the beggining..
Recently he was more distant, he had some problems at work and not enough time for us like before… But i was understanding. The last time we argued out of nowhere I refused to fight. Anyway he said “I don’t want to talk anymore” and he stopped.. just silence.
3 days later he texted me that I need to go to a coffee shop to take a gift from some girl that he prepared for me.
He was my gift and I was stressed (because he made me cry for 2 days) but the most happy person in the world…
He asked me if I can travel with him and be together (we already planned our two weeks trip for the day we can meet). I needed 2, 3 days to organize everything. I also had a plan with my family for next week but I canceled it to be with him.
Then suddenly he said he wants to travel with me for 3, 4 days and after that to be alone for week and then again together for 3, 4 days. He said that this is HIS plan from the beginning. Its always was “I” for him and “we” for me.. I was super confused and he tried to comfort me that he traveled 10000km because of me, I am everything for him and etc.
During our trip everything was amazing, happy moments, holding hands and at the same time confusing again..
He will call me “my mountain” in a cute way but will comment how sexy other girls are.
I asked him to travel more with me (our plan actually) he rejected me and said that I don’ t understand him and he was mad and annoyed. When I cried, he comforted me how everything will be good when he returns to me and we can be happy and he needs only his time alone.
I could not understand why if you traveled 10000km to see the person you love you will want to travel alone?
My inner talk was all about how I am not enough for him, how he is disapointed, how he will meet other girls in other cities and everything is just one big illusion. (two years ago he met other girl/s in other country but past is in the past right?)
I returned to my hometown and he continued with his travel asking why I was so cold when we said goodbye. I wanted to stay with him but he rejected me.. I waited to meet this guy for 1 year and a half and we talked almost every day how much we want that and then when it was real he runs away?
He called me every day and he looked happy. So I calmed down and decided to accept his decision and that maybe he needs time.
The 4th day he didn’t answered my texts, my calls all night… and I went crazier than ever. Because he uses his phone for navigation, I knew he is ignoring my calls. So I doubted him and asked if he is with someone. Because if you can see my call you can answer it for one minute and then do whatever you want… He got mad and said that I am not respecting him and his time alone and he is not sure if we will talk again.
The next day he logged in the app we used to chat searching for girls and adding them in Instagram.
Even tho I apologized a few times and begged him to meet again so we could have good memories- one week later he returned back home without any word… I blame myself even now for everything..
Because I never received any text from him I made a fake profile pretending that I am another girl. Lets say – Summer.
He talked with Summer for 3 weeks like I never existed in his life. He said to Summer that he traveled in my country and met a girl who was his last best kiss.. Summer asked him if she was his girlfriend and he said that this could not become a real relationship because they met just few days. He told Summer that this girl (me) was just a friend, but she had feelings for him. He told Summer that he feels Summer 5000 times more closer and more nice than this other girl (me). And he started calling her everything he called me, he wanted to send her giftbox like he send to me. The most strange thing was that he asked Summer to send him Exact same things that I sent him back then (specific things with their specific colors). He said he loves her 30% … and if she is kind and good hearted he will love her more.
He said he loves ME and he came in my country for me, because of me, that he have only me… one month earlier.
I told him who I am in real and he said that HIS plan was to text me later when I calm down because I was good for him but not good the last time we talked. He accused me that I destroyed our happy memories and made him stressed! Everytime was my fault for everything. My opinion was never important.
I know that it’s wrong to pretend to be someone else.. like I did, but I think I met another person… I don’t know who was that man?? He was not the same person i had fun, talked almost 2 years and make plans with... He was loving and kind and I my best friend.
I still love him becouse i cant erase him like he did. I just don't know if i made a mistake or he was not serios all this time?
Where is the logic to invest all this time saying you want something serious but your actions to be different?
Also I haven’t been in love for 10 years maybe.. i was more fearfull avoidant all my life… and that hit me hard.
Should i try to contact him again or.. what should i do?