No confidence to date

[Dolly1996]

Hey, so I am going to keep this short!

I'm 25 and I have been single for around 2 years now. I feel ready to date again and I have been speaking to a guy for a couple of months now, he seems really lovely and he is being extremely patient with me as my confidence just won't allow me to meet up with him. (I keep making up excuses - but I know this will only work for so long!).

I've always been a little insecure about my body, but this is something I am actively working on. I am currently a curvy size 12 and in clothes, I do like how my body looks.

My biggest insecurity is that I have rather aggressive stretch marks on the front of my stomach, from my abdomen to my nasal area. So the thought of getting naked around someone new makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.

I hope I don't sound silly, I just really wanted to hear some suggestions maybe?

My family and friend group have all been pretty lucky in regards to stretch marks and their bodies so I don't really have others I can speak to about it!

Anything is appreciated x

TBH, most men really don’t care that much once they have an actual naked woman in front of them.
But you probably have 2 options to think about, firstly if you think you are going into the bedroom at point (I assume you have met in person), just tell him upfront about your insecurities (no need to go into details).
Secondly, If you do get that far, keep a top or tee shirt on and try to relax

I have bad stretch marks and can see why this may knock your body confidence. But there is so much great lingerie out there now to hide tummies, try a baby doll nightie, body suit or lacey vest. Don't let that hold you back. As pp said, when a man sees a woman naked, stretch marks are literally the last thing about you they will notice!! But also don't put pressure on yourself with this guy. Take it one step at time. You may meet him and not fancy him in the flesh, just commit to a coffee or whatever and then decide after that if you want to proceed with another date.

to my nasal area

Right up to your nose ?

Sorry about your body confidence issue. Maybe he's got similar insecurities about his too.

@JustAnother0ldMan & Yarqueen Thank you both so much for your lovely comments. I know it's such a trivial worry but it really does play on your mind. You are very right, I'm sure the only person they actually bother is me so I just have to get used to them I guess, and just hope no one will be put off if they ever do see them.

@ToffeeNotCoffee haha oh no, damn autocorrect. Thank you though, I know we all do.

Have you seen Shirley Valentine? If not, it's a film about a bored middle aged woman who has a holiday romance. At one point, the character looks at the camera and says something like, "He's even kissing my stretchmarks!"

I was about 30 when I saw it and that line still sticks out 16 years alter - I don't have an issue with the few I have but I have other things I'm bothered about and I always remember this line. At the time I remember thinking that it had never occurred to me to be bothered about my stretchmarks!

I have never met a man who has a said a single thing about my stretchmarks. Ever. Or anyone else's. Or ever even mentioned them.

And I've had some pretty crappy comments over the years

@LadybirdyBirdylady Oh, your comment really put a smile on my face. Thank you so much for being so lovely and kind.

I haven't seen the film but I think I shall give it a watch!

You know, I never thought they would bother me, I have more in other places but they have faded and I actually don't mind them now.
The ones on my stomach are red/ purple and just seem so aggressive and won't fade at all!

Thank you again xx

And what did he say to Bridget Jones ?
" I like you just the way you are "

They are not stretch marks . They are your tiger stripes . Go roar girl

@thesearelaughterlines Ahh, I love this. The world needs more people like you, you are incredible. I will. Thank you so much.

As other's have said on here love you as you are. Bet you are lovely and you sound lovely. Nice underwear or sexy vest. But I would as another poster has said take things slow, go for a coffee, walks etc, get to know this person in real life and see if you do connect in person. Put no pressure on yourself and never feel pressurized to sleep with anyone. I never got stretch marks after my child but I do get psoriasis so I do understand how easy it is to obsess over it. Never had psoriasis either until after my child as I was very thin and immune low but does run in family. Try Bio-oil also and never settle for 2nd best as you are so young and deserve the best.

@IrishMel Hi Mel, thank you so much for your comment.

I agree I think as this is my first time putting myself out there again dating, I initially got way too caught up in my head about it all and I certainly won't be jumping into anything that I'm not comfortable with, etc! So I am so glad I posted here.

It is so easy to obsess right? I feel like they are the first thing I see when I don't have a top on so I convince myself that anyone else would also be taken back by them too. Which is silly.

Thank you for the suggestion of bio-oil, I recently just bought some so will definitely give it a try, and thank you also for commenting. You seem like a really lovely person and I appreciate your words xxx

Hi Dolly My son early 20's has stretchmark's and that is from growing so tall so fast. Lots of people have them. I would not even mention them to any man as you never know they could focus on them more if they are a bit of a narc to make you lose your confidence. If you are happy single then enjoy it but wish you all the best xx