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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Decisions, decisions...

3 replies

mshasmanyquestions · 04/10/2021 16:33

Hi there!

I’m finding myself in a bit of a pickle.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind, we met in my home country, went on holiday together abroad a couple of weeks later, then I went to his home country to meet his friends and family a couple of weeks after that.

I know it sounds fast, but honestly the relationship feels really stable and calm, it all feels very natural and I'm so happy.

Anyway, a couple of months after we met, he moved to another continent for his job. (It had been in the works for a while)

We’ve both been in long distance relationships before and staying together was a no brainer. We want the same things in life and seem to be extremely compatible.

As I’ve been looking to move away myself and change my job, we started talking about me moving to his new location. I was a bit reluctant as it’s so far away and we haven’t been together long but it felt right. Also his location could be a good place for my career. However, I would need to apply for a work visa which is difficult to get.

Anyway, today I received news. I have been accepted for a work visa in the country I’ve always wanted to live in. (A country which is even farther away from him)

I’m really not sure what to do. I know I want to pursue this dream but I also know that this man is my dream man. He’s being super supportive, saying whatever I choose to do he will be here as he wants to build a long term future with me. But realistically, being in a long distance relationship for a year or two until he returns to Europe seems like it has low chances of survival.

I really want to give us a fighting chance… but I don’t want to give up my plans…

So… what do I choose? Help!

P.S. My new work visa is conditional on me moving there asap so I cannot delay it.

OP posts:
Andrewthecharminbumwiper · 04/10/2021 16:44

Go for the dream job/ country. You can make a year or two work long distance, that seems a reasonable time limit and you wouldn't want to miss out on something you've always wanted and clearly put some work into if you've got the visa. You can always cut it short and look for jobs closer to him in say 6 months if that's what you decide you really want, but at least you will have had that experience and will never resent him or yourself for not having done so. Just stay very communicative and maybe plan a schedule of visits ahead of time so the future doesn't feel undefined.

Walkingalot · 04/10/2021 17:04

You've got to follow your dreams. How would you feel if the relationship broke down and you'd missed your chance? He's moved away. He made his choice.

pog100 · 04/10/2021 18:16

Do not follow a person you have known for a few months to the detriment of your own path. It's crazy. If it really is something special it will happen.

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