I need help to develop better relationships with friends and at work please. Podcasts/ books/ methods / courses I can do over next few weeks. I have a very happy and healthy long term relationship, we’re great at communicating and no problems there.
It’s friends and work colleagues I struggle with. Some examples:
I’ve had 3 bosses (all female late 50s, professional women) fall out with me during my career. There haven’t really been any incidents exactly, they’ve just taken a strong dislike to me over time. All exhibited very passive aggressive behaviour which I didn’t know how to react so just ignored it and left those jobs. When I’ve given examples to people they’ve thought how strange and rude the actions were. 5 years later one of them is stalking me on LinkedIn so obviously made an impression!
It left me feeling really shit about myself! I get on really well with colleagues and have over years received great, detailed feedback about my interpersonal skills and the support I’ve given staff I line manage. Also popular and trusted with clients. So it feels at odds with that. I’ve had people genuinely say how sorry they are when I’ve left and people making an effort to keep in touch, when I know they haven’t with others.
Friends. I have a set of close friends- we’ve known each other for a long time. One of them I’m really close to and she never upsets me. The others constantly upset me. Dismiss what I say, are snappy and rude. All take and little give. One friend is OLD and every text / meet-up is dominated by these fleeting guys. I disclosed something personal and upsetting to her and she’s never asked me about it since. I just feel most of my friends don’t respect me.
I’m starting a new job soon and would like to work on these feelings. It’s quite possible it’s all in my head and I need to change my mindset. It could be me, but my DH thinks I’m well balanced emotionally- he does think I need to stick up for myself more.
I’m always thinking of others. Even people I don’t know. I’m in quite a social role, where I need to have empathy with different groups of people and see things from lots of perspectives - which I know I’m good at. But I just can’t seem to protect myself against other people making me feel shit!
Please let me know if you have any suggestions that might help. X