Split/new partner success stories

[Mummsnett]

Hi all, have just split with partner of 8 years and am grieving & sad. We are both sure it's the right thing as we don't make each other happy. I would appreciate hearing other people's experiences of splitting up and how theyre now happier /found new love/moved on to better things etc. Need some hope to give me encouragement through the cr*ppy time that follows a breakup. TIA!

Separated from my arsehole exh in May 2018 after 18 years, and finally divorced in March this year as he was being a dick with the financial settlement. Now happily moved in with my new partner (I say new, we've been together nearly 2 years). My only regret is that I didn't leave exh sooner, though if I had, I might not have met my current partner, so it all worked out

Honestly it gets better. You'll soon realise just how much he was holding back your happiness. You'll wake up one day and be so thankful you are no longer together. It's hard to leave the comfort of the familiar.... You'll find your new normal and you'll find someone that makes you happy.

Split 4 years ago. So wonderful to be in my home without dreading him coming home. Not having someone emotionally and financially abuse me. Not having to defend myself against my supposed infidelities.

I'm loved up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years. I have time with my kids, they are happy, my work is great, social life brilliant and I have no idea why my ex's new girlfriend puts up with him. She's really lovely !

Thanks all, very encouraging! Can I ask where/how you met your new partners? I'm tackling the "you'll never meet anyone else" demons currently and love hearing others' stories.

Met my wonderful partner on Bumble after splitting with my ex of 7 years. He truly makes my heart sing.

My advice would be to read the dating threads on here, but not be governed by them. Some women on there have been through alot and are understandably guarded. But being guarded is a barrier to being in a new relationship, so it all can become a bit chicken and egg. My advice is to spend enough time single to find out who you are again and loose the fear of being single. And then jump into dating without fear of things going wrong. Good luck!

Split from exh of 20y at age 45, took a break for a couple of years then decided to catch up on the lack of silly flings in my youth, so did some OLD. Turns out that women looking for a silly fling get quite a lot of interest, who'd have thought? Second silly fling has really grown on me; we are not interested in living together so have been "dating" for almost 5 years . I'd never have gone out with him when younger, but tbh we get on a lot better than I ever did with my exh, and this guy puts in a lot more effort. Exh has had a couple of gfs but still puts more effort into work than relationships so had less luck in the longer term.

My partner and I used to live in the same building, and had said hello in passing. I had a flat tyre and he very kindly helped me out, and that was it, inseparable ever since lol! It can happen when you least expect it. I had sworn off men after my exh, but he changed all that

Not me but a work colleague has had a really positive experience post-break up.

She's 43 and started OLD a few months after the split and was having about three dates a week. After a few months she met someone she really liked and a year later they're now living together (she doesn't have children).

She's also remained quite good mates with almost all her other dates (I think they're connected on social media). She thinks the key to her success was to always have a FaceTime or Zoom call before the first date, which flagged anyone unsuitable (and there were quite a lot who were very different from their profile in looks and/or personality).

To be brutally honest she's not what I call a looker and she's not particularly slim either, so I was surprised at her success but really pleased for her. She's just very nice, calm, kind and funny and also a high earner.

We met on OLD (tinder) as I don't really have much opportunity to meet single men.

I had a great time dating. Met some really nice men, had a few relationships and made some friends.

I was super fussy and I was in no rush. Rather be single than with someone who wasn't brilliant. And I spoke to them for quite a while before meeting.

I divorced in 2017 after a 6 year miserable relationship/marriage. I can't say about finding a better/healthier relationship unfortunately. I was involved with someone on/off for 2 years (situanship) is probably a better definition of what we were doing...that ended for good in Dec 2020. I decided to pursue solo parenting/motherhood via a sperm donor as I was getting thoroughly depressed by online dating/the pressure of time (fertility) running out... I am currently pregnant and really feel at ease about the lack of a partner. It doesn't mean I don't want a partner one day/again, but the relentless pursuit of it really made me ill, and next time I'll be looking for a completely different set of attributes.

@Mummsnett
Do you have children/want them?

Being single for a while/not rushing /being fussy seems to be a recurring message here, and definitely one I need to take note of. I loved the thrill of dating when younger, but imagine it'll be different in my mid thirties.
I have two young children and I'll be the main caregiver as they'll continue to live with me, but we will definitely be sharing custody so I'm looking forward to time alone and giving my oh the chance to parent solo for a change!!

Having kids already definitely takes the pressure off - I'd love another baby in future but if it didn't happen it wouldn't be the end of the world. My future happiness is the priority going forward.

Split with ex in January 2019, he moved out in August 2019.

I had a few dates on Tinder to get my confidence back. Was pleasantly surprised how many younger guys wanted to date a woman in her 40s!

Met DP (29) on Killing Kittens in January 2020. Have had an absolute blast together. I see him every few weeks. My kids adore him. We have no intention of living together or making things more formal. Very happy with my life right now!

10 years ago I split from my XH. He wasn’t awful, just not particularly interested in me or the DCs and quite likely ASD, so I didn’t feel understood or fulfilled in the marriage anymore. Amicable enough split, I stayed in the home with the DCs, they stayed with him 1-2 nights a week, which was enough for him to feel like he was involved without being overwhelmed.

Within a few months I met my DP online, he also has DCs so we haven’t moved in together despite being together many years.

It hasn’t been without it’s ups and downs, but overall I’m much happier being with someone who makes me laugh every day, is loving and kind, sexy as hell, generous with time, affection and money, and most importantly he truly seems to find me amazing too!! Sometimes I’d give anything for a traditional ‘first family’ set up again, as obviously there are compromises to be made here, but overall I’m so glad I’m not stuck with someone who - with the best will in the world - wasn’t a good match for me.

Oh and also importantly, XH is happy too. He’s had a couple of relationships along the way but seems to prefer being single. He gets to be supportive dad from a distance (he lives abroad at the moment) and see them a few times a year. They have a great relationship with him and understand his limitations. They also get on really well with my DP. When they were little all the DCs got on fine but as they’ve got older we’ve realised that keeping separate homes makes more sense for now. Maybe in the future we’ll move in together or maybe he’ll continue to be my “lover” and I’ll have a little place to myself?!

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Thank you all for your input, such an interesting variety and I really really hope I have luck like most of you finding that someone who brings my personality back to life. Feel like a wet lettuce these days, but with a glimmer of hope.

Ex promised the earth and left me homeless with 20k debt whilst he moved on to a wealthy woman to drain. Wasted my fertile years on him so will possibly never be a mother.
I've got together with one of my oldest friends 2 years later and I am so unbelievably, blissfully happy. I honestly feel like I should pinch myself daily. I cannot believe I could be so in love with someone, and feel so loved.
The ex has kindly let me know she's pregnant and I simply don't give a shit because I've finally got what I've been missing all these years.