Female hairloss and relationship

[OkSpiritualknot]

Oh my. I've met a man... Only 4 dates in... Adores me etc, I've even met his mum and his niece. He's lovely. Had sex for the first time yesterday (not intercourse), it was pretty mind blowing.

Problem is, (this makes me cry just writing this), I wear a clip on hair topper. My own hair is very thin and fine, androgenetic alopecia. Lot of scalp showing.

Very few people know about this. (just my mum n daughter and a hairdresser friend)

I need to tell him..it lifted up a little during the sex, so it's only a matter of time, before he realises. But I don't know how to tell him or what to say.

He has a full head of hair.... I'm in a European country where most men do, the women all seem to have thick, plentiful hair too.

Without the topper I look very different. He said yesterday, that I was perfect in every way... Oh dear. Its not like, I'll remove the topper and hell say "oh you look the same"... That won't happen.

I know even young people get alopecia but with this type it looks awful, patchy etc and obviously age related... It's not attractive.

Has anyone any advice or experience?

I have lichen planopilaris which has caused permanent hair loss on the top of my scalp. I have a very obvious area at the front of my scalp and my ex boyfriend used to call me 'baldilocks' because of it. I ended our relationship 2 years ago and have been seeing my new boyfriend for a little over a year now. He didn't notice my bald spots until I pointed them out, and it didn't faze him at all. Over time my hair loss has gotten worse, but he still tells me I'm beautiful and it doesn't bother him at all.

I'm telling you this to show you that there are some arseholes out there who will not be kind or understanding, but there are lovely men too who will not care one bit, and just accept you as you are. Be honest with your man, if he can't accept your hair loss then he is not right for you.

@GrapeViney

I see this as an automatic arsehole filter. If you tell him and he leaves then you've just filtered out an arsehole in your life. See it as a positive. I have a chronic illness and I see it as the same thing.

I think that's a little harsh. It is very early days and he is allowed, as is anyone, to find something atractive or unattractive.

I think this wouldn't be a big deal to most men if they really like you.

The reality is loads of women have extensions and wear wigs these days. Very common in some communities and seen as being a bit glam in others.

I know it might not seem this way to you, as you perceive it as a flaw, but remember not everyone will think the same way.

You could just say "my hair is a bit thin so I wear hair extensions" if it comes up. Hell probs say "oh right" then that will be it!

I don't think you need to go into details about baldness, thinning, your medical condition etc. Just keep it light and breezy.

Most of all... enjoy your mind blowing sex! Very jealous!!

@theleafandnotthetree

Men complain all the time that women who don’t go for bald men or want tall men are superficial even though most men have far more physical prefernces
I agree this is a great asshole filter . If they are just going to be like a lot of guys who expect women to be hairless bodied thick hair on head , thin with a body according to their porn washed brains who wants them anyway !

@OkSpiritualknot Whatever you decide good luck, and hope all goes well. We are all cheering you on!

You know what? Men always says they will love you the way you are when you have extensions, wigs but when you take it off - it nearly always DOES change. Unfortunately if you reveal early there is a chance most men simply can not cope.

You can reveal MUCH later down the line when he starts really caring for you. 4 dates is not caring ...it's too big to drop in if you want this to grow

Update. So he came yesterday and said he really liked my "hair" (as I had my straight, grey, hair topper on, rather than the wavy topper he's seen me in previously. So I just said oh yes, it's different to what you've seen, because I wear a clip on topper and I have a few styles..

I told my lie of how I was waiting for it to grow back. This was not the best plan.. He revealed he had had stress related alopecia some years earlier, saw dermatologists, had medication.... And it grew back. Then started on about me going down same route... In a kind way, not lecturing...

Anyway, I said I'd rather not talk about it, brushed it off a bit. Of course I was ovenighting with him, so took it off at bed time.... Further advice offered by him... It was all a bit tedious.

There is a language barrier... It would not really have been possible to mention androgenic alopecia, I couldn't avoid telling him something, it's difficult to give in to passionate sex with a clip on topper on. There was always a risk of the clips giving way.

Anyway, it's done. I'll wait n see what happens

Thanks to you all xxx

Apologies, felt I was a bit flippant in my follow up. My friend texted me half through asking me to call her, so I was rushing.

So, it seemed to go okay. But as I said previously, I am a little concerned that he may start to wind things down a bit as a result of my "reveal", but I won't know if that's the case for a few weeks.

I would rather have not told him. I could have slept in the topper, or not stayed overnight. But even just kissing him is awkward as he tries to stroke my hair and run his fingers through my hair. So the choice was to tell him or to finish with him.

Ah well, will see how it goes. Thank you all again, it's been so useful to hear your advice, experience and feelings about this.

Xxx😘

What happened to your boyfriend and the topper story?

Also what root spray do people use and does it need doing every day if you get your hair wet in the shower?

You mention having met his family already...just be careful he isn't a love bomber op. If a dude tried to introduce me to his fam a few dates in I'd seriously consider that he might be batshit.