How do you break a trauma bond?

[Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy]

OK I'm in some serious need of advice because I cannot continue like this please help!

I am trauma bonded to my ex, and try as I may I can't break it alone. We've been on/off for 5 years, in that time he has screamed at me, called me names, accused me of horrific things to do with my children (none of which are true), threatened to take our child away from me, and would pack his bags and leave almost monthly since 2018 when we had a disagreement/argument. I know deep down that us not being together is for the best but yet Im so bonded I keep begging and pleading and trust me he's loving seeing me in distress even if he says he's not

Anyway he's now trying to move on with someone new and it's literally destroying me, he says he wants me for sex and the majority of my worth is my body but then says he wants us to work but refuses to block the other woman (who he hasn't met) and put his time and effort into me.

I can't keep doing this dance with him, it's a circle il be trapped in forever if I don't break it and i need help to actually do that.

I can't eat, i keep having anxiety attacks, I keep crying, I'm struggling to sleep, I cannot go on like this. What do I have to do??

This sounds like my life word for word. I one day realised j was worth more. I worked on myself. Brought my confidence up. Made friends. And once I was where I should be, I no longer needed him. I was strong enough to tell him to leave.

Do you have children? I found I could view this stuff far more clearly when I started thinking that I would be devastated if my daughter had a relationship like that.

I only broke mine with the abusive ex with help from womens aid. I could not have managed it alone so I really sympathise

Firstly you must address your extreme anxiety. Do make an appointment with the GP asap, maybe some temporary medication can help to stable your moods. You could also be referred for counselling.

Next I would look on Youtube as there are some amazing therapists that post hundreds of free videos about trauma bonding, low self esteem, narcissists etc. Look up Lisa Romano and Dr Ramani on Youtube, they are bloody brilliant. Some of the educational mentors where I work watch these.

You will not be trapped with him forever. I am probably much older than you and I had this type of relationship in my 20s where I thought it impossible I could ever let go of him (around 5 years off and on) believe me after a year or two without him, he absolutely repulsed me and I couldn't believe how I spent those years agonising over him. There is a way out my lovely, I promise.

Best way to help break it is to go no contact. Or as little contact as possible if you have kids and need some contact to arrange visitation etc.

I agree, get some counselling to help yourself to break free.

There are some amazing life coaches on Youtube. Lisa Romano and Terri Cole are amazing.

There are also amazing therapists on instagram @theholisticpsychologist @holisticallygrace @nedratawwab