Finally free but don't feel as happy as I should

[needagoodnightsleep1]

Finally after 3/4 years of a pretty rubbish marriage, where's he has verbally and physically abused me I've kicked him out.
He's called me a fat mess and a c@@t and hit me for the last time. This is not the environment I want my dd to grow up in.
While I am mostly relieved he's gone my head is all over the place. He's moved out with family till he rents his one place in two weeks.
Why does it bother me that he doesn't give two shits and is really looking forward to starting his new job and getting a new place.
I swing between angry and hating him, to relieve I'm free, to wanting to beg him back all in the space of minutes. He just doesn't care I think I want him to but I don't know why I do. Please tell me it gets easier xx

You put several years into this relationship and have a child together: for your daughter's sake, I'd understand why you'd want the relationship to have somehow meant more to him than it does.

You know this, but this man isn't worth the time and emotion you're spending on him.

It will get easier, especially as you see your DD eventually relax into this safer environment. You may soon see what a shadow he cast on your household.

Thank you for your reply, yes I think you are right. I just want to fast forward even a couple of weeks so I can feel slightly normal. I just feel so low at the moment can't sleep/eat or even think straight :(

Is it possible that you're so used to buzzing along on stress hormones that you're a little bit in withdrawal from those as well? The symptoms of that might be low mood, problems with sleep, appetite, and concentration.

This man belongs in your past. What's already happened will continue to affect you in the short-term as you effectively detox from him (possibly your DD will need to do this too, for a while). As you adapt to this, your future will be more peaceful as you stop being on high alert and get a more realistic view of yourself than the poisonous one he gave you.

It does get easier,it's a rollercoaster of emotions to be honest,when I kicked my ex out I was a mess,didn't know what I wanted ,but now 6 months on I'm fine he very rarely enters my head,I do know it was the best decision I ever made xx

Well done OP for putting your child first. Your little girl deserves so much better than to be living with someone who abuses her Mummy. Keep on reminded yourself of why you have done this. He doesn't care because he is not a good man. You care because you are a normal person with feelings who wanted her marriage and family to work. Its completely normal to grieve the end of a marriage, even if it was abusive. Unfortunately you can't fast forward when you will feel better. You have to just keep on going and getting through each day until you start to recover. I hope you have family and friends for support.

Thank you all for your replies and support. I know your all right and this is the right thing to do. Im completely isolated and alone with my family in another country, I suppose that was one of the main reasons I stayed and put up with him so long. I do also think he enjoyed the fact I was completely alone and took advantage of that. I can just take it day by day I suppose and I will get there thank you xx