If you go out with someone and you don't think they're 'the one' forever but you're having a lovely time then what?

[nostaples]

And what if somebody says the same to you? This has happened to me. Went out with someone for 6 months. Had doubts at first but decided it didn't matter what happened or didn't in the long term (after all I'd been with my husband for 20 years and thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him and then it ended badly) as was having a lovely time. Then he ended it on this basis, because he didn't think it was forever. We are both approaching 50 so there's a sense of time running out (at least on his part and him thinking about me or so he says). On the other hand I've got my children (nearly grown up) and independence so in another way time doesn't really matter. But then rekindled the relationship 'as friends' except when I went to his house he suggested I stayed over and then we had the same conversation again with him saying he didn't think it was forever so I was right not to stay over (which I'd said I wouldn't). Maybe he's just commitment phobic? Hard to move on because it was so lovely.

If you are both enjoying each other’s company can’t you agree to still see each other, be good friends, but not be exclusive? So many people are lonely it seems a shame to let this go.

I wouldn't want to spend time with someone, developing deeper feelings knowing they were looking for my replacement.

It sounds like he is just not that into you. He just wants the sex.

Time running out is bs. People come and go throughout life. 'The one' is really just the right one for right now. Someone who you currently really, really like as opposed to someone who is just for the company. But either way, still just passing through.

It seems he feels that someone he prefers might come along. So if you aren't looking for just a bit of fun then really he has nothing to offer you.

Sounds like a friends with benefits to me.
I happily did that with a fwb for 4 years. Lot of fun.

Well, it was lovely and you've enjoyed the relationship and it is hard to move on because it was lovely but on balance probably better than having wasted your time on a total arse. If that might be one crumb of comfort.

With regard to the sense of time running out did he say if that relates to something specific? Wondered if he might referring to having children.

Maybe he's looking for some sort of guarantee that things wouldn't change for the worse or he's so focussed on some dream 'ideal' that he's blind to the potential right in front of him. Or as you say, he may just be commitment phobic.
Continuing as 'friends' but then inviting you to stay over sounds commitment phobic and/or user-ish (cake and eating it).

I'd never spend that much time in a relationship with someone I knew was only Mr. Right Now.

It may be delightful, but it definitely stops you being out there finding Mr Right.

Thanks. Really interesting to hear your opinions. They are mixed, as are my feelings. I also think he is genuinely torn. We both have grown up children. His kids and my eldest are at university. My youngest will be in September. I think the time running out thing is about the difficulty of finding partners 50+. I think there is a legitimate point here. I think both of us think we would perhaps struggle to envisage living together. When you have grown up children and no wish/ possibility of more it's hard to find things to prompt you to the next stage and bond you together. The difference is I don't necessarily think this is a barrier and he does. I think down the line there would probably be a crunch point where things would either move on or end but I don't think there's anything to cause that crunch now. I think he is struggling with that too. That he thinks it's the right thing to end it but doesn't actually want to. He is a genuine man. Although I met him online, I knew him sort of. He has been out with somebody else I know. I know his kids and life story. But he is absolutely right that we are v different people and not an obvious match.

He knows you aren't a real match and can't envisage a future with you but wants a friends with benefits thing going on while he looks for someone who is a better match.

I wouldn't put up with that - time running out or not (which it isn't btw).

There’s no such thing as The One. It’s a silly Hollywood trope. Dating was a lot less stressful once I grew out of this belief. However that said, you are still not going to be compatible with someone who thinks that they can find better. So ditch him.

When I've been seeing someone and been into them then I've always been hopeful there's a future, even if realistically I knew deep down it wouldn't work. If I hadn't felt the relationship was going places, it was because I didn't really like them that much and I would let it fade out gradually or just tell them it was over. Otherwide you would commit. If you want to end something it's usually better sooner rather than later because it just gets harder and hurts them more.

I would probably go against the grain and enjoy the moment with someone if there's nothing pressuring you like the need to have more kids. It's so hard to meet someone decent let alone THE ONE so I just try and give people a chance without thinking too far ahead. However here he's told you he doesn't think you are a forever person to him so I would probably avoid. When someone tells you who they are, listen

I've been in this situation and ended it.

A man his age is probably looking for someone who will look after him/nurse him in his old age and if you don't want to move in with him then he needs to find someone who will?