Need advice please

[adviceneededplease123]

I have a crush on my teacher. This is an adult education course that I'm doing we are both in our 40s - before you think I'm a child. Is it possible to date a teacher if you're both middle aged or do you think it's wrong?

I have no idea what to do. I have a way of arranging to meet up with him (this is a Zoom course) to see if there's a spark as there's a conference on the subject I'm studying that I can attend. Does that make me a mad stalker?

A teacher should not be dating a student, regardless of age. Sorry, but the timing is all wrong. I would wait until the course is over before making any moves.

@Aquamarine1029

A teacher should not be dating a student, regardless of age. Sorry, but the timing is all wrong. I would wait until the course is over before making any moves.

Hi thanks, the course is only five days long! It's over. I'm thinking of going to a conference in November to see if there's anything there. I'm just wondering if going to the course is weird. I also wasn't sure if teachers can date ex students - it's a short five day course on a craft.

If that's the case, do what you want. Do you know if he's single? It would be up to him if he wants to date a former student.

@Aquamarine1029

If that's the case, do what you want. Do you know if he's single? It would be up to him if he wants to date a former student.

I believe he is single but am not 100% sure. He doesn't wear a ring which I know is not certain. We follow each other on social media and that kind of thing. I've already booked my accommodation for the conference and know he'll be there. I suppose if he turns up with his wife or gf then I'll know for certain he's not free. The conference is in a really lovely place so if that happens I plan on going for walks and doing tourist stuff anyway.

I thought someone would have a go at me for being weird.

I thought someone would have a go at me for being weird.

I've heard of much weirder, honestly. Even if he is single, it might be hard to have any time to get to know him at a conference, especially if he's an instructor/lecturer, etc. Good luck!

@Aquamarine1029

I thought someone would have a go at me for being weird.

I've heard of much weirder, honestly. Even if he is single, it might be hard to have any time to get to know him at a conference, especially if he's an instructor/lecturer, etc. Good luck!

Thanks for your help. I feel a bit better now.

I teach in adult education and know of a couple of instances where tutors and students got together. Both couples now married / living together for many years.

Thinking about it - it's never been mentioned in any of our safeguarding training about avoiding relationships with students. I know others may disagree but there isn't the same power relationship in adult education between tutors and students as there is in schools, colleges and universities. Vast majority of our courses are non exam based for example, and we're not marking work.

I have several friends in my classes, some made before they joined the class, others have become friends as a consequence of the class.

@DPotter

I teach in adult education and know of a couple of instances where tutors and students got together. Both couples now married / living together for many years.

Thinking about it - it's never been mentioned in any of our safeguarding training about avoiding relationships with students. I know others may disagree but there isn't the same power relationship in adult education between tutors and students as there is in schools, colleges and universities. Vast majority of our courses are non exam based for example, and we're not marking work.

I have several friends in my classes, some made before they joined the class, others have become friends as a consequence of the class.

I agree that there isn't the same power imbalance and we're around the same age, I'm actually a bit older than him. I know Susanna Clarke married her tutor! She did a writing course I think. The course, like I said was only five sessions, though there is another I was thinking of doing with the same tutor. We haven't met so this could all be academic anyway (s'cuse pun). There may also be no spark but it's good to know it is possible.

I thought that teacher - student relationships were forbidden / frowned upon because of the imbalance of power, the fact that the student is a minor, or that professional lines have been crossed. If none of these factors apply, as in this case, I can't see what the problem is. Teachers dating students isn't inherently wrong, per se... only if one of the above applies

@JovialNickname

I thought that teacher - student relationships were forbidden / frowned upon because of the imbalance of power, the fact that the student is a minor, or that professional lines have been crossed. If none of these factors apply, as in this case, I can't see what the problem is. Teachers dating students isn't inherently wrong, per se... only if one of the above applies

I think it depends if it's in your contract or code of conduct. I thought that adult education teachers may have safeguarding legislation in their contract where they can't get involved with students. Some workplaces have relationship clauses where you can't get involved with staff. I thought adult education may have the same thing, but apparently not. I don't see what's wrong with two people who are the same age, where there is no vulnerability, having a relationship.

Anyway, at the moment this is all pie in the sky, as we've never met. We could meet and I might not like him at all or vice versa. I'm going to the conference in November which is over two days so there's time to talk hopefully. I'm hoping he doesn't get an emergency injunction or flee the vicinity when he sees me...